His partying days are OVER!

WARNING: This is graphic.

If you have a weak stomach, don't read this!!

Remember the entry from a couple of days ago when I wrote about how Man-About-Town Herkie entices Senior Citizen Simon out to party all night long?

Well, Folks, those days have ended as of this morning. I got up at 7:30 this morning, wandered out to the kitchen to get my glass of orange juice and looked through the dining room out the patio door. And what did my wandering eyes focus on? All these pieces of something spread all over the carpet. As I stepped closer I threw my hands up in frustration, turned my head and gagged until I thought my stomach and esophagus were going to turn inside out.

It was bunny parts that had been somewhat disgested. Well, actually, it wasn't just parts - it was the whole bunny. I could tell, but I won't go into detail here, okay?

Had enough folks? Don't read on then, okay?

Now being a mother and having raised all kinds of puppies and kitties all my life, I'm used to what can come out of either end of kids and animals. And I've done my share of cleaning that material up. You just hold your breath and do it. But this was by far the most difficult thing to clean up I have ever done. And it was spread all over, not just in one spot, which made it even more time consuming to clean up. Couldn't just pick up a few pieces and be done - nope - had to crawl all over the dining room floor picking up pieces of fur, bone, body parts, etc. (sorry guys). I think I gagged for another 10 minutes even after I was done and then went to scrub my hands with disinfectant. Now I've got to clean the carpet too. What a way to start a beautiful Saturday morning.

So much for Senior Citizen Simon's nightly partying. I'm cutting off his supply of crack (cat nip) and doing an intervention here.

Some days you're the bug & some days you're the windshield

Do you ever get so upset you just want to spit tacks? Well, that bicycle rider that made me so angry this morning better look out because next time I WILL be spitting tacks and a whole lot more.

What is it with bike riders that makes them think they own the driving lane? Don't they realize that the vehicle you're driving is several tons heavier than the vehicle they're riding? That said vehicle could squash them like a bug? I have never seen such an arrogant bunch of bastards group of people in my life, all dressed in their lycra and their pointy little helmets. Sorry if I've offended any of you bloggers that are bicycle riders, but I sure hope you have more sense than the one I just about had an accident over today.

I was on my way home from town this morning, driving along the 6 mile section of newly resurfaced highway that runs between my little town and The Big City. Mind you, when they resurfaced this highway they put a nice wide shoulder on it, almost as wide as the driving lane itself, and surfaced it with blacktop also. I had oncoming traffic which consisted of a big semi with a full load of gravel. Now I'm smart enough to know that I'm going to lose a battle with a fully loaded semi, so believe me, I ain't gonna start nothin' with him.

So as I round the curve I see the semi coming at me in his lane and I also spot a bicycle rider going the same direction as I am but is he off on the hard surfaced shoulder of the road? Not on your GD life. He's riding in the driving lane about six inches inside the white line. So I have my choice here - either tangle with the semi or take out the biker. I blew my horn and slammed on my brakes which of course threw everything around inside my car. As I came within three feet of the biker's back wheel the semi passed me in the oncoming lane and the biker gave me the finger!!

I just about blew a head gasket. That character with his little pointy helmet and empty space for brains had better be damn grateful that I didn't hit him and send him flying. I just about stopped in front of him and got out of my car to give him a piece of my mind.

This isn't the first time we/I've had this happen. We have a lot of bicyclists that train in our area - so frequently we come across them in droves spanning the entire driving lane and you either follow behind at their top speed of 30 mph or go around them.

Last summer when we were coming home from Wyoming in the RV we were traveling on some pretty narrow roads that didn't have shoulders - it was off the pavement and down in the ditch. And of course if you've traveled in Wyoming on the secondary roads in the mountains you know they're pretty curvy and windy. Here we are in this big 40' RV, coming around a curve, not going more than 35 or 40 because of the curves and the narrow road. What's in front of us? You got it - a group of about 6 bikers. What's oncoming? Another big RV. Now if any of you have ever traveled in a big RV you know they're a bit on the wide side, and even if you don't have anything else to be concerned about - like a group of bikers, you know you have to be careful because side mirrors have been known to hit and break off.

Ole saw the situation arising and laid on the airhorn and slammed on the air brakes but those bikers made no move to get out of the way. They just kept on at their bicycle pace as we screeched to a stop in back of them. All the dishes were falling out of my cupboards, closet doors opening and shoes falling out, etc. Even my ironing board came undone. Damn.

And those pointy little helmets. If you're going to wear a helmet get a REAL helmet.

Some days you're the bug and some days you're the windshield!

And in the words of Forrest Gump, "And that's all I have to say about that."

Senior Citizen Simon & The Man About Town

You know how sometimes if your kids hang with the wrong crowd they can pick up some bad habits. Sometimes peers can be really bad influences. I think I have that going on in my house right now.

You see, Senior Citizen Simon used to be a real stay-at-home cat. He was always begging for someone to take a nap with him during the afternoon. And when I would go to bed at night he would instantly come from wherever he was in the house, climb into bed with me and noogie (neener) down for the night.

Next door neighbor cat, Hercules, was extricated from his loving home (Lovely Daughter's house) earlier this spring when one of her other cats went into heat and Herkie started marking his territory. You see, there's several things wrong here. No. 1, when Lovely Daughter brought Hermione home she was told that Hermione had already been spayed - NOT! And No. 2, Hercules is neutered. We know that for a fact because we had it done. I guess nobody informed Hercules that neutered cats don't mark their territory. So here's Hermione offering all her "goodies" to any male who would have her, and Herkie not wanting any part of that stuff, but still trying to keep the other neighborhood Toms away. That's why he became an outside cat.

Somewhere along the line Man About Town Hercules figured out how to gain entrance to my house through all the flippy dog doors that we have going in and out. You just climb through the back garage door, waltz down the steps going from the garage and into the basement, through that flippy door, through the store room where Simon's cat box is, stop and take a poop or two, then through the flippy door from the storeroom into the TV room, up the basement stairs, make a sharp right into the kitchen and TA-DA - there's Simon's cat food - have a big snack, which means clean out both the wet and dry cat food, and then locate Simon. Entice Simon with all kinds of promises of fun things to do outside at night and lead him back through the maze of flippy doors and out into the free world.

Then along about sunrise it's time to make sure that Simon gets back home safely. Lead him back through the maze of doors, (don't forget to take a poop in the cat box. After all, why would you want to poop outside when you can do it in kitty litter?) upstairs, and down the hallway to the bedroom. Watch and make sure that Simon gets up on the bed okay, peak around the corner of the bedroom door and let out one big meow so that the lady of the house wakes up and knows that you've delivered Simon safely back home.

So now Simon REALLY wants/needs to sleep all day after partying all night long with Herkie. Simon is 16 and Herk is only 9, so he's got a lot more stamina. Boy - don't I know how THAT works!!

Lately Herkie has taken to making more than midnight visits to pick Simon up for all these parties they've been going to. Last night as Ole and I were laying in bed watching TV, Herkie entered the bedroom. I couldn't see him but I could hear him. He sat in the doorway meowing for a few minutes and when neither Ole nor I paid him any attention he turned, tail straight in the air as though he was insulted, and left. I could see the tip of his tail as he marched out the door and down the hallway. Then something told me to sit up and take a better look. There, laying on the floor by the bedroom door was a baby bunny. It hadn't been chewed on or anything, just placed there on the carpet as though it was a gift to us from Herk. I guess he somehow knew that I've declared war on the rabbits around here and wanted to make a few extra points.

Yeah, yeah, I know. I fed them alfalfa all winter up on my deck because they were cute to watch, and now their progeny (neener) have come back to haunt me. Because I fed the bunnies all winter on my deck, some of them have now taken up residence UNDER my deck and are having lunch on the fresh green things that are finally peaking up from the ground. I planted a new bush about a week ago - a Blue Rug Juniper, which is quite prickly. The other day when I was out inspecting things I found that four branches had been chewed off that juniper right at the base of the plant and were laying there on the ground beside it. Now if they had chewed those branches off and eaten them I wouldn't have been nearly so upset, but to just chew them off for the sake of chewing - that doesn't fly. What was it my mother used to say? Don't waste your food. After all there are starving children/bunnies in China!!

The bush will still grow, but it'll be darn lopsided. Darn bunnies, anyway.

Senior Citizen Simon

Man About Town Hercules

I Love my Kids

That's me, all right, up there in that cartoon. That's just exactly what I'm doing today. But the mess and the dirt aren't leftover from Mother's Day, they're leftover from the whole last week. You see, when I work in my yard, which I've been doing this past week, I totally forget about the inside, and then it piles up. THAT's what I should have asked for for Mother's Day - a cleaning fairy!! She could just buzz around here every morning and wave her magic wand and get rid of all the dirt and put everything back where it belongs.

I am making progress outside, though, and if it wasn't so frickin' cold and windy out I'd be out there today. But it's only May 12th - why would I expect warm weather and sunshine here in Minnesota??? (just a bit of sarcasm here, folks.)

It snowed here last Saturday - yes, people - snow on May 10th. It snowed from 10 o'clock in the morning until about 4 o'clock in the afternoon, or so I was told by several friends. You see we weren't here. We had a surprise 60th birthday party to attend down in Minneapolis. And what a wonderful trip it was, too. (There's that sarcasm again.) We drove in heavy rain for two and a half hours, then finally drove out of it about the time we arrived at the destination. Then about the time we were ready to leave at 6 o'clock it was pouring pitchforks and hay bales for two hours on way back. It rained so hard I think I even saw some livestock falling between the pitchforks and hay bales. And then, wouldn't you know, the wiper on the driver's side decided it was tired of flapping back and forth and started coming off. We had to stop several times for Lars to do first aid on the wiper so I could see to drive. AAACCCKKK!! Not a fun trip. But we blew the Birthday Boy away. He didn't have a clue his wife was doing this until he drove up in the driveway. Ha ha - gotcha!! That's so fun. There were friends from Kansas, Iowa, Missouri and even one from Arizona that he hadn't seen for 24 years. Can you imagine? It was lots of fun for Ole too, because the Birthday Boy and Ole worked together for 28 years, and many of the out-of-towners were old "company" coworkers. So there was lots of reminiscing that went on.

Mother's Day dawned bright and sunny but on the nippy side. Several of my plants got frost bite that night, but I guess they'll recover. I had a wonderful day. Came home from church and Senior Citizen Simon and I checked our eyelids for leaks. I didn't find any either for a couple of hours. That felt so good. By that time it was warm enough that I could work out in my flower gardens and accomplished a lot. Lars was worried that I was working too hard on Mother's Day and should be taking it easy, but I told him that this was a true source of relaxation for me - for one thing it gives me a real feeling of accomplishment to look back and see all the weeds pulled out, the edging done, a few new plants installed, and everything neat and clean. Then Lars and Ole put burgers on the grille, along with fresh corn on the cob and some sweet little red potatoes. They were SO good. Then we all spent about an hour in the hot tub and we were all ready for bed.

It was such a nice day. And it's so nice to be friends with your kids. Hi - Lovely Daughter - Love you!! (And Lars too!)