The Morning After the Night Before

Half price burger night last night and we had quite a group for our little “club.” The table was full (9 people). Dick was there by himself because Jane, of course, was running the city offices until 7:30. I was anxiously awaiting her arrival to see how she would react regarding MY friends and YOUR friends. Ole made sure he sat next to Bob and I made sure I sat next to Carol (tweak, tweak). When she walked in she took one look at the table full of people, stopped at the popcorn machine and motioned Dick to come over to her. She told him she wasn’t hungry, she was going home, and turned around and left. So that was that. I didn’t even get a chance to harrass her even a wee little bit – dang.

Dick hung around for a while and was having fun, but kept looking at his watch as though he didn’t dare stay too long. I’m sure if he had he would have hell to pay when he got home.

Let’s see, what’s on the agenda for today. Lots of paperwork. That always takes so much time and when you’re done you can’t physically see that you’ve accomplished anything other than the checkbook is always a lot emptier. Then more paperwork – I’m the treasurer of an organization and we’re having our quarterly meeting tomorrow morning. So I need to have all my ducks in a row for that. I need to make sure they can’t tell that I’m embezzling large volumes of money (snicker). Then I have to design some fliers to advertise a luncheon that our group is putting on in May and I haven’t even started them yet.

Well, Ole wakes up one morning and remembers that it is Lena's birthday. Now Ole and Lena have been married for over fifty years so Ole goes shopping and tries to find a gift for her. He can not think of a single thing she needs.

Upon passing a lingerie store, Ole realizes that Lena has never bought any lingerie in her life. He gets the idea to buy Lena something sexy to make her feel good and young. Ole goes into the store and tells the clerk to wrap up the most expensive, sheerest negligee she has. Ole takes the gift and excitedly returns home to Lena knowing that he has been a fine husband.

Ole finds Lena in the kitchen and tells her to take the gift upstairs and unwrap it. He'll wait in the kitchen. Lena thanks him and goes up to the bedroom. Once the package is opened she realizes that this is something she's never had before. She also sees that it is so sheer it leaves nothing to the imagination.

She thinks for a moment and then decides that she'll really surprise Ole and go downstairs without any clothes on at all. So she leaves the negligee on the bed and starts down the stairs stark naked.

Lena calls out, "Ole, come out to the hallway and look." Ole walks out to the staircase, looks up at his wife, and exclaims, "I'm sorry Lena, all that money and they didn't even iron it!"

They're MY friends - not YOURS!!

Are we twelve or what? Is this grade school, or shouldn’t we be adults by now? Oh man, this Jane thing gets to be just like a soap opera, only I think sometimes she’s not really old enough to even watch soap operas. At least she acts that way.

Here’s the background:

Back when we first met Dick and Jane through a mutual friend, they traveled in a circle which included Bob & Carol and Ted & Alice. Alice is the gal who worships the ground that Jane walks on because Alice is so insecure. She tries to model herself after Jane and Lord knows that’s a real fiasco. Now it’s not that Ted and Alice aren’t nice people – they are – and it isn’t that Alice has been nasty like Jane has, but she does make some pretty snide and uncalled for comments at times that are quite hurtful. Fortunately, neither Ole nor I have been her targets like we have been Jane’s.

Then there’s Bob and Carol. We have become good friends with them – I think because they’re a lot like Ole and I. What you see is what you get. No facades. Yes, they speak their minds and make their points, but not in a nasty, caustic, mean manner. They are both very diplomatic when issues arise. They wouldn’t dream of hurting someone’s feelings on purpose and are always willing to give someone a second shot.

So way back when, Dick & Jane introduced us to Bob & Carol and Ted & Alice. I guess at that time we didn’t know that we would only be allowed to have one set of friends – that’s sarcasm, people – sarcasm! As I stated previously, over the winter Ole & I have become good friends with Bob & Carol and on occasion go out to dinner together to somewhere other than The Watering Hole or stop at their house for a drink when we’re out running the doggers. Last Friday night we decided to go to a little hole-in-the-wall place in a small town about 10 miles from here called Cully's. It’s been around forever, has no atmosphere, but really great food.

Well, apparently Jane found out that the four of us had gone out to dinner together on Friday night, and on Saturday night at a banquet to honor a local person, made quite a fuss about the fact that we had done this. Carol called me this morning to tell me about the tantrum that took place. To quote Jane, “I’m the one that introduced you to Ole and Lena and they’re MY friends. And now MY friends don’t even stop at our house anymore but they sure stop at your house a lot (meaning Bob & Carol’s). They’re MY friends and you’re taking them away!” And the tirade went on from there from what Carol said.

But that wasn’t enough. Sunday morning there was a pancake feed fund raiser and Dick & Jane happened to be there with their daughter and son-in-law at the same time that Bob & Carol were there. We didn’t go because Ole was involved in a car show this weekend. Jane’s comment on Sunday morning when she saw Bob & Carol was, “Well, did you get together with MY friends last night after the banquet?” By this time Bob had apparently had about enough of this nonsense and tried to explain to Jane that it isn’t YOUR friends or MY friends. No one owns anyone. We’re ALL friends together. Obviously Jane doesn’t have a clue that she’s no longer my friend but only an acquaintance.

Ole thinks she’s laying groundwork for something – posturing for some reason. It will be fun to watch as things proceed. I would imagine that we’ll be seeing her tonight at half price burger night. Bubba (remember him from previous writings?) thinks we should all get t-shirts that say The Monday Night Burger Club printed across the front.

Last Friday night was karaoke night at the Watering Hole. That’s the night we went to dinner with Bob & Carol. Carol loves to sing but we didn’t stop because she had to be to work at 7 a.m. the next morning. Lovely Daughter and Sven were there and she reported that Jane wasn’t her usually loud-mouth self that night – she was pretty quiet. I guess she was taking in the antics of Lee & Tim. Lee is a friend of Jane’s and Tim is her supposed fiancé. They are not young teenagers, if you know what I mean. They’re both old enough to “know better” and how to behave in public. I guess they got into quite a spat at the Watering Hole and she left him. Drove home without him. He becomes extremely obnoxious when he’s had a few beers. Actually, obnoxious isn’t even close to what he becomes. Anyway, I wasn’t there on Friday night so I only know what I was told. But I completely forgot to tell you about Tim & Lee on the night of Jane’s birthday party a couple of weeks ago.

Bob & Carol and Ole and I left early that night because things were getting so out of control. I think we were home by 9 o’clock. I heard the next day that Tim picked up Lee and was going to stuff her into one of the big trash cans full of garbage that Dick had sitting around. And of course she didn’t want to be dumped head first into that – I wouldn’t either. But Tim was totally inebriated so pursued the issue. It became a hair-pulling match along with a major struggle until Lee hit him in the nuts with her knee!! She thought that was the end of it when he was rolling on the floor groaning. But that was not to be – when he finally managed to get back up on his feet he picked her up again and tried once more to stuff her in the trash can full of messy paper plates and other stuff. I guess that time there were chunks of hair that got pulled out of both of their heads and she finally “nutted” him again, left him rolling on the floor, got into her car and headed for home.

I guess we miss all the excitement when we leave early!! We would have hung around but Tim is SO loud and SO obnoxious and Jane was becoming that same way what with it being her birthday party – so before I puked Ole decided it was time to take me home. And I had been drinking club soda all night!! So there - - -