Winter

As I stumbled out to the kitchen this morning, still in a fog from having just awakened, and trying hard not to fall on my face as Senior Citizen Simon curled himself between my ankles begging to be fed, I glanced out my living room window to the east and saw the most beautiful sunrise all orange and crimson shining brightly between the frosted tree branches. As the sun rose into a crisp, cloudless blue sky it made the snow sparkle like diamonds all bright and shiny. And I thought to myself, oh, what a beautiful day this is going to be.

Then I looked at the thermometer and it said 22 degrees below zero. My next thought was:

This is the 7th of March - we're supposed to have snow melting now - not freezing even harder.

We stayed home this winter because we traveled last fall, and our intention was to travel again this spring headed for the Great Smokey Mountains. That's why we're enduring this winter that won't end. Oh well, just remind me of these cold temperatures when I'm complaining about 100 degrees and 90% humidity in July, will you?

Apparently general concensus is that you guys don't want to stop hearing about Jane - you're all curious about whether or not she can make a bigger fool of herself, huh? Well, okay. But I'm NOT going to let her upset me anymore. I'll just report. Okay? Latest report: Dick and Jane sat in the front pew at church on Wednesday night. Ole and I were seated strategically so we could see them, but they couldn't see us (sneaky, huh?) Jane spent most of the half hour service with her head on Dick's shoulder and stroking in arm from elbow to shoulder. Get a room, huh? Or at least sit in the back pew so nobody else has to watch. How about just conducting yourself with a little dignity and self-respect!

And, to quote Forrest Gump, that's all I have to say about that.

Actually I don't have anything to say about anything else either - - -

A Verbal Desert

Well, that's not exactly true - I don't say "nothing" regularly because Ole says I talk ALL the time!! Be that as it may, I'm just kind of out of words for the time being. How can that be, you say? A ScandihOOvian female who has nothing to gossip about?



Well, I've kinda decided not to write about Jane and all her antics anymore. You're probably sick of hearing about her anyway, right? I mean, the fact that she spent a good portion of her time groping Dick's crotch the night we all went to dinner together at Bennigans - the night before they left for their Vegas trip has nothing to do with me. So if she wants to prove to everyone around that she's a pig, let her. Yeah, going to dinner with someone who would do that in public leaves a bit to be desired, and we probably won't be doing that anymore. It just proves she has no respect for herself, let alone poor Dick.



I've kinda reached a point where I don't feel sorry for Dick anymore either. Don't get me wrong, I still think he's a wonderful person - he's so kind and a true friend. But to put up with the kind of behavior that she exhibits makes we wonder about him too. It's the opinion of several in our group that either he puts up with it because she would make his life so miserable if he clamped down on her behavior or he secretly likes having a wife that is so "risque!"



Two years ago in Sturgis she walked around with her boobs hanging out - completely - just pulled her t-shirt down and let her size 40DD all hang out. She's named them Mikey and Stevie. Wonder if she tried to get away with that in Vegas?



And, oh yes, more XXX porn pictures came in Ole's email this morning. She's definitely back. A female who gets a thrill out of looking at other female's bare crotches exposing ALL of the inner-most parts has got to be really sick. Bob's been getting the pictures on a daily basis from her also. I wonder what she's trying to do.



In conversation on Monday night with Bob's daughter-in-law, who was also down at the Watering Hole for half price burgers I learned more about how disliked Jane is in the community. DIL's grandparents go to our church and used to sit about third or fourth row back from the front. You know how it is in these little country churches; everyone seems to have their own pew, sits there every Sunday, and by golly, if a stranger comes to church and sits in YOUR pew and you have to sit somewhere else, it's traumatic. Anyway, grandparents ended up moving completely to the other side of the church because they couldn't stand to watch Jane fondle the back of Dick's head and his ears and rub his back during church. I guess all actions have their place, but possibly not in church, and especially in the front pew where Dick and Jane always sit.



Anyway, not having had her around for a week has been very peaceful. And I've decided that I'm not going to let her upset me anymore. She's only proving to the world what an ass she truly is.



I've been bouncing around reading various blogs this morning and it seems the general concensus of us "Northerners" is that winter needs to be over now. We've had enough. Winter doesn't usually get me down, but boy this year I've developed a bad case of cabin fever. Our "normal" winter, if there is such a thing, usually has a cold snap in January where temps get way below zero and stay there for a week or 10 days or even two weeks. Then they go back up to a range somewhere between zero and the high 20s for the remainder of the winter. But this year that hasn't happened - they've been bouncing around from WAY below zero for a few days then up and down for a few days at a time. This makes it seem that it's been subzero for most of the winter. We're supposed to have 20 below again tonight and then in the 20s and 30s for the weekend. Enough already. STOP. It's March - the snow is supposed to start to melt. Get started. Enough bitching about that too, okay?



I have one more room to spring houseclean - the computer room, and that's going to be a job and a half. I don't know if your computer room is like mine, but there's so much important stuff stashed in here - you know - all those things you absolutely have to hang onto that have no value whatsoever. So I've decided I'm going to get really cruel and tough and pitch a lot of stuff. Of course you know what will happen then, don't you? That's when I'll find that I really need it. Maybe I'll just stuff it all in a box and pack it into the storeroom we have in the basement.



When I finish in the computer room I get to start tearing wallpaper off the walls in the master bedroom. Ugh - what a terrible job. But Ole and Lovely Daughter have all committed to helping me so maybe it won't be too terrible. We could make a party out of it and bring out a bit of Ole's homemade wine. And some cheese and crackers. Maybe we wouldn't get too much ripping done, but it would be a lot more fun, don't you think?



Anyway, I'm kind of out of subjects to write about anymore. So I'm open to suggestions from any of you. Okay? What do you like to hear about?

On Being a Penny Pincher

Anybody out there interested in saving a few hundred dollars a year on their phone bill? Well, have I got a deal for you!! (Can’t you just see me standing up on my soapbox outside a tent at the carnival yelling my sales pitch at the top of my lungs?) So come on in and see what I’ve got!!

A few weeks ago when I was having one of my sleepless nights I flipped the TV on about 3 a.m. and came across one of those “Paid Programming” things – those ads that seem to go on and on during the night that 99% of the stations carry even on Dish Network. One of them caught my attention and I stopped to watch it for a minute. It was for something called Magic Jack. Now what could this be – some new kind of Jack Daniels? A new variety of Jack in the Pulpit to plant in my garden come spring? A new Jack in the box toy? After a minute I determined that it was a little box, about the size of a cigarette lighter that plugs into any USB port on your computer. Plug your phone cord into the other end and you can make all the long distance and local phone calls you want for free. Well, not exactly for free; Magic Jack costs $40, which includes a year of service. The fee after that first year is $20 a YEAR – not a month – a YEAR!! I did the math – quickly – and since my LOCAL phone service costs me $32 a month (that’s no long distance) I thought this would be a no brainer.

But being the cautious person that I am I decided to talk to my personal computer guru, Big Brother, about it first. Before I got a chance to call him about it the next day the phone rang and it was Big Brother. And guess how he was calling me? On a Magic Jack. He had also seen the ad (sleepless nights must be genetic or something), decided to try it and had just received it that day. It worked beautifully.

Well, that sealed it. I went online and ordered mine that same day. It arrived in the mail yesterday and was a cinch to install. I called him last night just to test it out and – Ta Dah – worked great.

So when we travel this will be a real boon as long as I have high speed internet service or an air card in my laptop. If you’re interested, go check it out at http://www.magicjack.com/site/index-22a2.html.

Isn’t technology amazing?

Now just as a teaser - Dick & Jane and Ted & Alice must have arrived home from Las Vegas last night. Ole checked his email about 10:30 p.m. and there was an email from Jane - XXX- rated!! Also, I need to tell you about dinner at Bennigans the night before they left. I neglected to fill you in on a few items when I wrote about it previously. Stay tuned for further details!!