Puke, Gag, Wretch, Puke

Sheesh - you guys - as of yesterday I was all caught up on reading blogs. This morning I opened up Google Reader and there was a long, long list again - so I've been sitting here reading and reading and reading and commenting. Either you guys lead a lot more interesting lives than I do, or you're writing fools. Maybe a bit of both?

So - exitement in my life? Not a lot. There was karaoke down at the Watering Hole last night so we stopped down about 8 o'clock just to visit a bit, not intending to stay for more than an hour or so. Yah, right - we came waltzing in the door at 11 o'clock. Pat and George were there having dinner so we sat with them and visited. They're such a fun couple. Bob and Carol weren't there because Carol had to work until 9:00.

But of course Jane was there holding court. Her entire entourage was there swarming around her so she was in her glory. A bit later one of Jane's neighbors and his wife came in. Wife sat down with us and had her dinner, but Husband Neighbor sat at Jane's table. I've been very suspicious of something going on there for quite some time, so last night I just kept close watch out of the corner of my eye. Never said boo to anyone about my suspicions, but later in the evening Pat asked me of there was hanky panky going on between Jane and Neighbor Husband. I don't know if it's reached the hanky panky stage yet, but it's extremely obvious that Jane has the hots for Neighbor Husband. VERY obvious. She can't keep her hands off him, but at this point he still acts as if it's all a big joke. Wife didn't stay any longer than it took to eat her dinner and then got up and left using the excuse that she was tired and just wanted to go home. And whenever Neighbor Husband would make an attempt to visit with anyone else, Jane would elbow her way into the conversation and take it over. That happened to me a couple of times last night.

Then Neighbor Husband got up to sing the Macarena and guess who was the ONLY one out on the dance floor - standing in the middle facing Neighbor Husband making moon eyes at him and dancing the Macarena? Yup - you got it - Jane, wiggling her big fat butt. I swear she wasn't wearing a bra last night because the way her 40DDs wagged around they could have done damage to someone's head if they'd gotten too close.

Anybody want to hang their head over the porcelain god with me while I puke???

A Grand Funk - Again!

So far we've had a perfect spring melt. Warm thawing temperatures during the day and freezing at night. As of yesterday the fields were black, the ditches empty of snow with very little water standing in them with the only snow still visible accumulated in the trees around the farm sites. So the cabin fever that had been developing in my feeble little brain had mostly disappeared.

And then I woke up to THIS!!

Six inches of flippin' snow - heavy, wet snow. Will it never end?? How will the Easter Bunny ever manage to get through all of this stuff? He'll sink out of sight never to be found again.

So Ole is currently out blowing snow so that we can at least get in and out of our driveway. It's 10:30 and the snowplows haven't been out yet. There was just an announcement on the radio that they wouldn't be going out until the snow has stopped, which is forecast to happen around 4:00 this afternoon. Lovely Daughter and Lars left for work this morning with their 4-wheel drive engaged.

Oh, well, quitcher bitchin' - there's nothin' you can do about it anyway.

On to other things.

We have a new Super Walmart that has opened in our area. We had one previously, but it was waaay out on the west side of the city, (20+ miles) so I rarely went there. We had a regular old Walmart about 7 miles from my house, and that's the one I shopped at. Well, two weeks ago the old Walmart closed and the new Super Walmart opened so yesterday I made my first shopping soiree (neener) to the new store. I've done my grocery shopping for years at a local chain that's a bit more on the pricey side, but they have the best fresh produce and their own meat department where they do all their own cutting and packaging, besides cutting to order.

What I found was somewhat disconcerting - no - to be honest it made me downright angry. I was shopping for some Russet potatoes and was quite dismayed to find that they had all been packaged in Mexico. It was obvious that they had "been around" for quite some time as they were somewhat soft and wrinkled. Not nice and firm like a potato should be. What's going on here? I live in the middle of one of the largest potato producing areas of the United States and they expect me to eat potatoes shipped in from a foreign country? NOT!!! This prompted me to check more carefully on the other packaged produce - ALL OF IT had been packaged in Mexico, which also means that it had probably been grown in Mexico too. Who knows what kind of pesticides have been used on these items? I guess I certainly don't want to find out.

Then I went to find some tea biscuits - that was another exercise in futility and I left the store without them. Every package that was on the shelf had been squashed to the point that the biscuits looked like little pancakes. That's another thing about my local chain - they have their own bakery and are noted for their wonderful breads. They also make all their own deli selections - they don't ship it in in big tubs from some central warehouse.

What happened to Walmart's boast that they only sell American made products? Needless to say, I'll be doing my grocery shopping back at my pricey local chain where the food is fresh, they don't put the cleaning products in with the food items when they bag your groceries, they use paper bags that stand up instead of the plastic ones that allow your items to roll all over the back of the car on the trip home, and they carry your groceries out for you and put them neatly in your trunk or back seat. There's a reason my local chain is a bit higher priced, but I'm willing to pay for convenience.

And, oh yes, for those of you concerned about the use of paper bags by my grocery store. If you bring them back they issue you a nickel credit for each bag that is reusable. So they're not killing anymore trees than necessary.

So what are you having for Easter dinner/brunch? We're going to eat late afternoon and I'm making a turkey. We've had so much ham over the last month what with all the church ham dinners that have been around that I don't think I could swallow another piece. So turkey it is, with do ahead mashed potatoes, gravy, and all the other trimmings. We were going to go out for dinner on Sunday, but decided we'd miss the leftovers then. And besides, my back is finally better so I'm feeling up to cooking. It's not 100% yet, but almost.

And on that note I leave you with this:

Blame global warming!

Where Chocolate Easter Eggs Originate

I think Lovely Daughter was about three years old one Easter when Ole and I decided to have a bit of extra fun with her and her Easter basket.

The Easter basket was loaded with the usual things - the hollow chocolate bunny, marshmallow filled eggs, peeps, and of course her favorite Cadbury eggs. I think there was a stuffed animal of some sort and a few clothing items. I had also bought a package of jelly beans.

The night before Ole and I put the basket together and Ole picked out all the black jelly beans. Then he proceeded to place them on the kitchen floor in a trail leading from the kitchen door over to the corner where her Easter basket was hidden. Fortunately the two dogs we had at that time didn't like jelly beans (snicker).

Easter morning she came tripping out of her room walking on her tip toes trying to be quiet thinking that she might actually catch the Easter bunny. Ole and I were sitting in the living room having coffee when she reached the kitchen door, let out a scream and came racing into the living room telling us all about how badly the Easter bunny had behaved by pooping all over the kitchen floor!! We finally convinced her that they were just jelly beans and that if she followed the trail she would find her Easter basket.

So, Easter bunnies, behave and don't leave a trail of bunny poop behind on Easter morning.

I've been feeding my wild bunnies all winter so I've got the real thing out on the deck. I don't have to resort to jelly beans this year!!

Leave the Dog Hair on the Floor - Dang It!

Yup - it's time for every animal in our animal kingdom to blow their coat, and I don't think they leave ANY of it outside. I think every last hair is deposited on my carpet and my kitchen floor. Thank heavens for Rosie the Rhoomba.

But I still have to lean over to pick up the throw rugs - I haven't got her trained to do that yet. And as a result - last Saturday morning when I was doing this daily deed - I leaned over to pick up one of my kitchen rugs and I swear someone hit me in the back with a tazer gun. AAACCCKKKK! Well, actually I said a few other choice words than aaaccckkk - but we won't go into them here. Of course it was a Saturday so my friendly chiropractor wasn't open, and doesn't come into the office until Monday afternoon. So, needless to say I had a very uncomfortable weekend. Spent most of it flat on my back because when I tried to move I swear someone was poking me in the back with a cattle prod.

By Monday afternoon I hurt so bad all I wanted was to have someone shoot me to put me out of my misery. But my Miracle Worker at least got me upright and moving again with another visit scheduled for tomorrow. Then I splurged and had his massage therapist work on my lower back for a half hour. Sure wish I could have that done on a weekly basis.

So needless to say I didn't go down to the Local Watering Hole last night to drink any green beer for St. Patty's day. The thought of that makes me gag anyway.

I did go down long enough to eat a burger and visited with Carol for a bit. Lovely Daughter showed up so the three of us were talking wedding plans. Carol doesn't have any daughters (only three sons) so she's kind of adopted Lovely Daughter and is as excited about making wedding plans as if she were the mother of the bride. With three grown sons she says she learned to "keep her mouth shut and wear beige" when it came to making wedding plans.

Carol absolutely loves to bake and has offered to make Lovely Daughter's wedding cake/cup cakes, etc. She's also volunteered to make all the mints. I told her we would have a Mint Party sometime this summer - with Carol heading up the crew that could be a lot of fun. Carol is a riot.

Ole and Bob had already gone to their weekly fire department training when Dick and Jane came in. I don't know what kind of a hair Jane had up her butt; she looked like she could bite everyone's head off. So nobody bothered to speak to her for fear she would and because nobody paid any attention to her she managed to keep her trap shut, which made for a somewhat more pleasant evening.

Well, my back has about had it from sitting in an upright position. I wish I could figure out how to operate the laptop while laying flat on my back - then I could keep up with all you guys. As it is you guys are all writing fools, so I haven't been able to keep up with all your blogging. Sorry if I've missed anything. I'll try to catch up when I can spend more time in a vertical position.

St. Patrick Chased More Than the Snakes out of Ireland ~ ~ ~

Did you know the reason the Irish celebrate St. Patrick's Day is because this is when St. Patrick drove the Norwegians out of Ireland. It seems that some centuries ago, many Norwegians came to Ireland to escape the bitterness of the Norwegian winter. Ireland was having a famine at the time, and food was scarce. The Norwegians were eating almost all the fish caught in the area, leaving the Irish with nothing to eat but potatoes.

St. Patrick,taking matters into his own hands, as most Irishmen do, decided the Norwegians had to go. Secretly, he organized the Irish IRATRION (Irish Republican Army to Rid Ireland of Norwegians) Irish members of IRATRION passed a law in Ireland that prohibited merchants from selling ice boxes or ice to the Norwegians, in hopes that their fish would spoil. This would force the Norwegians to flee to a colder climate where their fish would keep. Well, the fish spoiled, all right, but the Norwegians, as everyone knows today, thrive on spoiled fish.

So, faced with failure, the desperate Irishmen sneaked into the Norwegian fish storage caves in the dead of night and sprinkled the rotten fish with lye, hoping to poison the Norwegian invaders. But, as everyone knows, the Norwegians thought this only added to the flavor of the fish. They liked it so much they decided to call it "lutefisk", which is Norwegian for "luscious fish". Matters became even worse for the Irishmen when theNorwegians started taking over the Irish potato crop and making something called "lefse".

Poor St. Patrick was at his wit's end, and finally on March 17th, he blew his top and told all the Norwegians to "GO TO HELL". So they all got in their boats and emigrated to Minnesota or the Dakotas ---- the only other paradise on earth where smelly fish, old potatoes and plenty of cold weather can be found in abundance.

The End.