The Cliff Hanger

As I told you previously, Dick stopped by my house on Friday morning. He was here about an hour and we covered a lot of ground.

I prefaced the entire conversation stating that I wasn’t doing this expecting him to choose sides. After all, Jane is his wife. I just wanted him to know where I’m coming from in this whole Jane issue, and why.

I told him this entire issue with Jane goes back a ways and has been building for quite some time. I have reached a point where I can barely tolerate being in her presence. It started about a year and a half ago when Sven left Lovely Daughter down in Sturgis. Just left her – no money, no transportation, nothing. He had been acting like a total ass to her for many weeks prior to that event, and was worse at Sturgis than he had been at home. Ole and I had finally had enough of his childish actions and discussed what to do about it several times. We decided that because Sven seemed to be more able to confide in me I would speak to him. So one evening I took him aside and asked him if he really loved my daughter and then he exploded, packed up and left. And that’s all I said to him. Sorry – I digress – that’s not the story here.

Anyway – I explained to Dick how Jane had stuck her nose into that event very deeply about my relationship with Lovely Daughter. She made many negative accusations and read me the riot act more than once about those issues. She was busy talking to Lovely Daughter throughout that entire week, and told me that she had several conversations with Sven also under the guise of “trying to fix things.” In reality it’s my opinion that all she did was stir things up worse than what they were in the first place. Lovely Daughter didn’t speak to me for several months after that, but she spoke to Jane frequently from what Jane told me during that time. The ironic thing is that I wasn’t doing ANY of the things that Jane accused me of during that time but I was too mortified by everything to stand up for myself. NOW, guess who is the one that’s very deeply involved in HER daughter’s life, and has actually made the statement more than once that she’s trying to break them up. She wants her daughter and granddaughter living at home with her so she can “see that her granddaughter is well taken care of.” Her statement – not mine.

Anyway, as I said before, Lovely Daughter wouldn’t speak to me for several months following that episode. But when she finally did that’s when Jane started bashing her on a regular basis, trying to ruin her reputation. Looking back I feel that Jane thought she had lost control of Lovely Daughter so she was going to bad mouth her. I told Dick that I didn’t know what Lovely Daughter had ever done to Jane to cause her to do that. It’s always been my thought that you were supposed to support your friends and stand up for them. Apparently Jane doesn’t feel that way.

I told Dick that I felt Jane was a very caustic person and sighted examples where I had witnessed her make Alice come to tears in a public place by making nasty statements about her right to her face. Alice is very overweight and has a very poor sense of self-esteem and Jane plays strongly on these issues at times depending on her frame of mind. Again, aren’t you supposed to be supportive of your friends instead of running them down?

I said that I felt Jane opens her mouth and let’s whatever she’s thinking at that time come falling out with a total lack of concern for anybody else’s feelings. I informed him that Jane had once told me that she didn’t CARE if nobody liked her because of what she said. Dick did come to her defense at that time stating that one of the things he’s always liked about her was that she said what was on her mind – you never had to second guess her because you always knew where she was coming from. In response I told him that I felt you could make your point but could be diplomatic about whatever the issue is/was. You don’t have to run roughshod over everyone with total disregard for his or her feelings, and he agreed.

I stated that I felt Jane has some very deep-seated control issues, and when someone stands up to her and tells HER like it is she doesn’t know how to handle it and responds by overreacting to the situation. She needs to be the center of attention at all times and will go to almost any length to do so. For instance, when I developed all the arm issues I had a year ago. Believe me, I didn’t WANT them, and I didn’t speak about them unless someone asked me about them. According to Jane I was psychosomatic, just trying to draw attention to myself and expressed her opinion to many people. After Sven left Lovely Daughter, the doc treated her for depression. When Jane found that out she told everyone and followed that by stating that anyone who took those kinds of meds was just trying to draw attention to themselves and make people feel sorry for them. I happen to know that Dick, at one point, was treated for depression, and that currently their son is taking anti-depressants. Can you imagine trying to live with someone like Jane with that kind of philosophy? Jane is probably the reason they were/are treated for depression.

Then I went into her unethical behavior. For instance giving copies of the questions that were going to be asked of the prospective new city councilman to Alice so that she would be well prepared and could make a better impression than the other person that was running. How she gossips about the confidences that people tell her – for instance all the affairs that a mutual friend has had, and how Jane named names of the women who participated. How she talks viciously about all her supposed friends behind their backs. I spoke about her childish behavior the night she came to one of our bonfires, sat in a chair and wouldn’t talk to anybody because she was pouting about something. I talked about how she exploded at Bob in front of everybody the night of the city council meeting because she thought he had been having a burger with us over at the Watering Hole. What business is it of hers anyway if we choose to have supper together? And the list goes on.

I also told Dick that people are scared of her because she is so caustic. I told him that I’ve had several people tell me not to get on her bad side because she will ruin you. I made him understand that she’s got quite a reputation in the community and it’s not a good one. People that Dick works with have also expressed negative opinions about her.

Anyway – you get the idea. Dick interjected a comment on occasion, stating that he understood where I was coming from. I told him that I felt like I had been backed into a corner and at this point I had to come out swinging in self-defense. She can attack me personally all she wants and I can take care of myself. But DON’T start in on my family because I won’t tolerate that. If you remember, the last issue she started to rag on was Ole and the fire department. She could have made that point in a much nicer manner, but that didn’t happen.

Dick didn’t have a lot to say, but he did tell me that I’m not the first person to come to him with these issues. A number of people have approached him about Jane’s behavior in the past. He said that at times he thinks she’s going psycho, losing her mind, and then again she’ll go for periods of time when she behaves just fine. He said he’s lived with this all his life and has tried to handle it; successfully at times and at times it backfires big time on him. He did elaborate on some things that I won’t go into here, but you get the idea. He knows what the situation is, but he didn’t realize how badly I had been her target to this point. He indicated that his door was always open for conversation and not to let this issue build up to my exploding point anymore. And then he gave me a big hug. By this time I was in tears, and Dick shed a few too. He’s such a kind, kind person.

I reinforced the fact that I wasn’t stating these things to make him choose sides. Also, I didn’t expect him to change anything – that would be an impossibility. I only wanted him to know where I was coming from so if there are explosions in the future, he’ll know why.

I said I would do my best to keep myself under control when I’m around her, but I made no guarantees. The only thing I WON’T do is stoop to her level and have it out with her in a public place. It will be done in a more private setting. Yes, I can go to Dick every time I have an issue – but isn’t that like dealing with an alcoholic? People rarely confront THEM about their behavior – they always go to the spouse and complain as though the spouse can do something about it. Everyone tip toes around the alcoholic and his behavior because they’re scare of his reaction. So he just keeps doing the same thing regardless of how many folks he hurts. Do you see a parallel here?

I expressed to Dick that my biggest concern was that if I stand up to Jane when she’s in one of her snits she will not allow Dick to associate with us anymore. That would break my heart. He assured me that that won’t happen. Apparently she’s tried to break up his friendship with several other people previously, so he’s aware of that situation. Then he gave me another hug before he left and assured me that the three of us would be friends regardless of Jane.

I felt so much better after all that.

Oh yeah – I didn’t tell this to Dick because I felt he’d been hit hard enough between the eyes that day – but her table manners are atrocious. Ole pointed out to me last Monday night after burgers at the Watering Hole – she takes a BIG bite of burger and then proceeds to talk with food in her mouth. It really gets your gag reflex going. We went out to dinner with Bob and Carol last Friday night (wouldn’t Jane have a hissy if she found that out), and Bob pointed out the eating/chewing issue too. He said that’s why he always makes an effort to sit as far away from Jane as possible. Not only doesn’t he want to listen to her voice, he doesn’t want to listen to her EAT!!

There you have it folks – was it the cliffhanger you anticipated?