An Open Letter to Jane

Dear Jane,

No, I shouldn’t start this letter “Dear” because you most certainly are not dear to me. At one point in time we were good friends, but long ago you lost that status in my eyes, and became merely an acquaintance. You wouldn’t even hold that position if it wasn’t for your husband who is a very kind, caring and loving individual; he is everything you are not. Unbeknownst to you, he has managed to smooth over some very rough spots for me in the past several years regarding our relationship – years when you’ve been “at your best” for lack of better sarcasm.

I truly thought that I had gotten over my anger toward you for all the things that you have done to and said about my family and me. Something happened yesterday that brought up old memories and all the hatred came to the surface again. The only consolation is that it doesn’t surface as frequently as it used to. Anger is such a wasted emotion and takes so much energy. I really need to channel that energy and emotion somewhere else – I certainly don’t need to waste it on you. Ole always tells me not to let someone else control how I feel – because if that enemy knew how he had affected my life he would be dancing in the streets. So, dance, Jane, dance. Because I truly do hate you for the things you have done and said.

Your husband, Dick, stopped over here last Thursday afternoon, sat on the deck in the sunshine and had a beer with Ole. Dick seemed so down – not the usual, smiley person that he always seems to be, although his positive attitude is truly a miracle considering he lives with you. By Sunday night Ole and I heard why Dick has been so down lately.

You’ve been caught, Bitch, with your pants down in more ways than one.

Dick had planned a canoe trip to the Boundary Waters (WAY northern Minnesota) with some buddies for the weekend, but cancelled the trip because the ice isn’t even off the lakes up there yet. You had apparently made some plans of your own that didn’t include Dick, and when you found out that Dick had cancelled the trip you flew into a rage. That alone should have told Dick something, but I think he loves you so much he’s choosing not to see all the signs.

Just why he loves you I can’t figure out. You’re about 50 pounds overweight, you dress like a slob, you have a bitchy personality, control issues up the wahzoo – the only thing I can think of is you must be really good in bed. One out of five isn’t bad, I guess.

Your plan was to go for a ride on your new Harley – ALONE – or so you said. Being Dick was going to be home he decided to go along, which you promptly negated. It was a horribly windy day – not a good day for riding at all – and under normal circumstances I don’t think you would have ridden but you had “something” in your back pocket you needed to complete. You think you’re so sneaky, but everybody can see through you – you’re about as transparent as a pane of glass. Your reasoning for not allowing Dick to ride with you was pretty transparent also – you wanted to go visit your grandmother’s grave and you might cry and you didn’t want Dick to see that. What a bunch of shit.

So Dick took off with a friend and went fishing. What a coincidence that your “friend” would call AFTER Dick leaves and want to go riding with you – in that terrible wind. How convenient. But like I said, you got caught. There was a bike accident, your “friend” went down, was injured and smashed his bike.

Jane – something’s really rotten in Denmark. You wouldn’t allow your husband to go with you to supposedly visit your grandmother’s grave, but it was okay for your “friend” to go along? A number of folks also find it interesting that you openly meet this “friend” on a regular basis at one of the local bars after work. It was also noted that the last time this “friend” was at the Watering Hole on burger night that you were making cow eyes at him, and kept him 100% engaged in conversation so that he couldn’t talk to anyone else. It’s also been noted that you have certain males that you “cling” to on karaoke nights and get quite upset when those certain males speak to other females. You want ALL of his attention. It was also quite interesting to watch you on the picnic table out back of the Watering Hole one night during karaoke. The gal who first spotted all that activity was horrified at the show you were putting on.

Dick stopped to visit with Bob and Carol on Sunday night following your road trip with your “friend.” Dick doesn’t confide in Ole and I anymore because I don’t think he wants to add fuel to the fire regarding my feelings toward you. But he does confide in Bob and Carol because he doesn’t know/realize they can’t stand you either. Judging from Dick’s actions of late, and his depressed mood, and little comments that he makes, I truly feel that Dick is very suspicious of your actions. I think he’s finally seeing the light.

You’ve burned a lot of bridges over the past several years, many that won’t ever be rebuilt. You told me back when we first became acquainted that you didn’t care what other people thought of you. I must say you are a woman of your word – you really don’t care. You are truly a disgusting person. Happy Hunting, Bitch.