Montezuma will get you if you don't behave

Lovely Daughter and Lars got home from Albuquerque on Monday night, two hours late. But what more can you expect from good ole' NorthWORST airlines. I guess all the airlines have their troubles but that seems to be the norm for Northwest, not the exception.

Ole and I used to fly a lot when he was still working. We've both come to the conclusion that we're glad we don't have to fly anymore with the exception of an emergency situation.

One year we were being sent to the Bahamas for a week by the company that Ole worked for. It was kind of like a convention/vacation for the top 10% of the sales reps in the company. So once we got to Ft. Lauderdale, we met up with a whole bunch of employees and their wives that would be on the plane going to Nassau. But of course the Air Florida jet that was supposed to take us there had mechanical problems, and they didn't have another plane available immediately. So we sat in the airport for 12 hours awaiting a plane that they were flying in from New York. Needless to say, that made everyone a bit on the cranky side. Sitting in an airport is no fun when you could have been on the beach in the sunshine for most of those 12 hours.

The plane finally showed up and we were all aghast. It was something left over from WWII - a DC3 tail-dragger - with two propellers - one on each wing. Okay fine. We'll do this thing. After all, we gotta get to Nassau and the beach, right? We climbed up the ladder to get into the plane, and as we tried to walk up the aisle we had to hang onto the backs of the seats because the plane was at such a slant. All the seats were facing backwards, and that certainly didn't give one a feeling of confidence. The next thing I noticed was that there was no insulation on the walls. You could see the skin of the plane and all the rivets that were holding it together. Again - lack of confidence. We all got seated, belted in, made sure we knew were our oxygen masks were, etc. And then the pilot started the engines and from that point on I watched the rivets twisting around in their holes due to the vibration of propellers. One of the sales reps, who had flown a DC3 in the Korean War assured everyone that this was one of the safest planes ever built. He told us that they could land with only one engine - AND USUALLY HAD TO!! About this time, the young pregnant gal that was sitting just a couple of seats in front me really lost it. She wanted out and off that plane right now - but too late - the plane was taxiing down the runway.

You'll be happy to know that we made the half hour flight safely and were delivered to the beach all in one piece. Fortunately by the time we left a week later we got to ride in a REAL Air Florida plane.

Then there was a flight we took to Cozumel, Mexico one year. Ole and Lovely Daughter are both scuba divers, and I'm told that Cozumel has some of the best diving to be found. I wouldn't know because my job was to occupy a beach chair and hold a margarita at all times. Because of that we went to Cozumel every winter for about 15 years running, and normally had a direct flight out of Minneapolis. One year we couldn't get the proper arrangements made to get that flight, so we opted for a direct flight to Cancun and then a connecting flight to Cozumel - about 20 minutes over the ocean. Unfortunately when we made these arrangements we had no idea what kind of a plane would be flying us over that 12 miles of open ocean. It was dark when we boarded the 6 seater baby plane - and as the pilot loaded all our baggage into the way back of the plane, Ole noticed that not only were the tires in pretty bad shape, showing tread, but the ceiling material in the back of the plane was falling down. Ole had the back seat so he had to sit all crouched down in order to fit under the ceiling. As we taxiied down the runway I looked out the window and could see sparks flying from the wheels. Ole told me later that the wheels probably had bad bearings. My only hope at that time was that we would get safely on the ground on the other side of the channel. We managed to land safely, sparks flying all over and as we came to a stop one of the tires blew up.

Then there was the flight home from Acapulco one year - I don't remember how many hours that was, but it was direct to Minneapolis. Can you imagine flying on a plane that was completely full, had only two bathrooms, both of which were plugged and inoperable, with a plane full of people coming from Mexico and suffering from Montezuma's Revenge? Not fun. Definitely not fun.

Many of you might know that Saturday is the opening of fishing season in Minnesota. This is always a celebrated event, and those dedicated fishermen are out there rain or shine. This year the ice isn't even completely off the lake, so they'll all have to look out for the icebergs. We don't need any repeats of the Titanic on our local lakes. Anyway, Ole and his buddy Sven usually make opening day in the wee hours of the morning, before it's even light outside. A few years ago they were having a good time while fishing on a small lake in northern Minnesota. They were drinking beer and feeling no pain when Ole hooked a big one. His prize catch was no fish though; it was a lamp and when he rubbed it a magic Genie popped out.


The Genie was grateful to be set free and to reward his rescuers, he granted them one wish. Without hesitation, Sven blurted out that he wanted the entire lake to turn into beer. The Genie nodded his head and the lake was instantly transformed into a sea of beer.

Ole was furious - he turned to Sven and yelled "You idiot, vhy did you have the Genie turn the lake into beer?". Sven was surprised at Ole's anger and asked "Vhat is wrong with a lake full of beer? Ve’ll never run out of beer while we're fishing again." Ole replied, "Yes the beer is great, but now ve’ll have to pee in the boat!"