Tweaking Mrs. OCD

Okay, Folks. I know your chomping at the bit to find out how Jane acted at our potluck and bonfire on Sunday evening.

Just as I expected.

Dick and Jane arrived with their daughter, son-in-law, granddaughter and daughter’s 3-month old puppy, none of whom were invited. She arrived with a very sour expression on her face and the only people that she spoke to all evening were her immediate family. Everyone else was laughing and telling stories and generally having a good time, but Jane never cracked a smile all evening. Bob said he made a point of watching her and if she had smiled her face would have cracked. It was very evident that she didn’t want to be there.

About the time that Ole started the fire Jane disappeared into the screen room and talked on the phone for a very long time. Then I saw her walk through the garage, down the driveway out to where their car was parked. When she didn’t come back after a period of time I went into the house and looked out my bedroom window. She couldn’t see me because the room was dark – but I could see her!! There she was sitting in the car listening to the radio. I guess we were all too boring for her to hang around with – or maybe it was because she wasn’t the center of attention. She didn’t have Bernie and Beth to feed off of and act up with. Tsk, tsk, tsk, too damn bad, isn’t it. Last time they were together at one of our bonfires they all drank way too much, pulled up their shirts and bras and walked around with their boobs flopping all over the place. And these women are all in the 50s and wear at least a 44DD.

Now I KNOW we weren’t boring because there was a lot of story telling and joke telling going on. I ran into Bob and Carol the next day and Bob said his sides still hurt from laughing so hard. I guess it’s just Jane’s loss if she refuses to have any fun. And if she thinks she’s making the rest of us pay, well, she’s being fooled now, isn’t she. I just wish we could invite Dick and tell him to leave Jane at home.

Well, actually I guess we could. Dick’s 50th birthday is coming the end of June and Jane is planning a party for him. She’s told one of her friends, Lee, that she’s invited, but she has to leave her significant other home. He’s not allowed to come because he gets to be such a horse’s arse when he’s been drinking. Now if SHE can do it, why can’t I? The only problem is that she would make life so miserable for Dick that he wouldn’t come either.

Maybe Jane was so miserable on Sunday night because she would rather have been out with her male “friend” than with any of us.

Enough about Jane. Now I have to tell you something funny. Well, at least Ole and I thought it was pretty funny.

Let me give you a bit of background: There is a lady, we’ll call her Mrs. OCD at this point, who is currently on the alter guild at our church. This means that she’s in charge of seeing that the correct clothes are on the alter, the appropriate wall hangings are hung, and that the flowers and candles are arranged nicely. She’s also to see that everything is laundered and pressed. Well, us gals who have worked with her on other projects know that she is truly a fussbudget. You know, one of those people who think they are the only ones who can do anything right. They follow behind and redo everyone’s work to their satisfaction and specifications. Nobody wants to work on any committees with her because she’s such a control freak and there’s only one way to do something – her way.

So anyway, Ole, being a trustee of the church was there on Saturday afternoon installing a new hot water heater. The closet that the hot water heater was in happened to be located where he could see what was going on in the sanctuary. It took him about an hour and a half to get it all installed and when he came home he told me that was the most frustrating hour and a half he had spent in a long time. Not that anything had gone wrong with the installation, but Mrs. OCD was there checking on the alter to make sure everything was in place for Sunday morning. He said she spent the entire hour and a half rearranging flowers. She would turn the vases a quarter of an inch and then walk back halfway to the door to look from a distance. Obviously they weren’t right, so she’d turn them another quarter of an inch, walk back, check. Nope – still not right so she’d have to slide the vase a little more to the left or right – walk back – check – nope still not right. An hour and a half, People, turn, walk back, check, nope – wash, rinse and repeat. He said he had the greatest urge to just run up to the front of the sanctuary, take all the vases and just dump all the flowers all over the floor.

Anyway, later that evening Ole decided he needed to go back to the church to check all the water lines for leaks and make sure everything was up to snuff on the water heater. I rode along, as did Lovely Daughter and Lars. He had been telling Lovely Daughter and Lars about how Mrs. OCD spent her afternoon and I thought they would split a gut. Anyway, we all got out and went into the church, Ole to the closet to check for leaks. Lovely Daughter had something else on her mind – she opened the door to the sanctuary and pranced right up to the alter and started moving vases of flowers – twisting a half a turn here and there and moving the vases so they were no longer in the center of the flower stand. Nothing to the point that it looked bad, just enough to skew everything. Just enough to drive Mrs. OCD crazy.

Ole and I went to church the next morning and sat two rows behind Mrs. OCD and her husband. She obviously had gotten there late enough so that she couldn’t go up front and correct everything, but she kept leaning over and whispering in her hubby’s ear and pointing at different things up at the alter. Poor thing – I bet she thought she had lost her mind.

So later, when fellowship was almost over, I was sitting at a table with our Pastor and several other folks. I knew they all had a sense of humor so I told this story. I thought the Pastor was going to roll on the floor from laughing. Everyone else really gave it a cackle too. I wonder if Mrs. OCD will ever recover?

I guess you can tell that Lovely Daughter is definitely her father’s daughter – always up for a trick or a practical joke. Now I would never do anything like that – nuh-uh.

The AUDACITY of that woman

Well, Folks, it’s the beginning of a holiday weekend. And what are your plans? Do they include driving somewhere? I bet there’re a lot of plans that have been squashed due to the gas prices. So sad.

We have a friend who drives truck and hauls fuel from refineries in various locations in the upper Midwest to gas stations in our local area. He’s very interesting to visit with right now as he’s done this for 40 years and has some interesting insight into all this stuff. I visited with him yesterday when he was on the road and his speculation at this point is that within two weeks gas will be over $4 a gallon in our area and diesel will be over $5.

So Ole decided to fire up the RV yesterday and take it into town to fill that 160-gallon tank so we could begin the process of going bankrupt. I was out in the Back 40 (for you non-Midwesterners – that means in the farthest piece of the property) when I heard this loud air horn go off several times. Then a couple of minutes later it went off again so I toddled my riding lawnmower up to the house to see what all the racket was about. Ole was sitting behind the driver’s seat in the RV with one dog sitting on his lap looking out the window and the other with front paws on the dash looking out the window. He rolled down the window and said, “Hey Gorgeous (I love that Ole), wanna go for a ride?” So I got off my mower, brushed myself off and hopped into the passenger’s seat. It felt SO good.

$733 later we were on the road back home, and when we reached our driveway Ole said, “Shall I just keep on going?” I was very tempted to say yes, but being the responsible person that I am I decided I had to put my lawnmower away first. So we went home instead (sniff).

We cancelled our trip earlier this spring to the Great Smokies in North Carolina, and have decided to take a couple of shorter trips over the summer before we go for the big one and head west to Sturgis in August. At this point we’re planning to go the first weekend in June to a place about 100 miles from here called Fort Sisseton in South Dakota. They have a black powder event that weekend and re-enactment of the military days of the late 1800s when the Fort was active. Ole is quite interested in black powder shooting and has several pistols, so I’m sure he’ll enjoy it. We’ve been there before, but only for a day. So it will be fun to spend the entire 5 days there.

Part of our activities this weekend include having a potluck and a bonfire in the backyard on Sunday evening. We’re furnishing all the meat for the grille, and I’ve asked everyone to bring a dish to pass and whatever alcohol they want to drink. I’ve got a fridge full of soda. I sent the invitation out several days ago to the usual group of folks – about 18 if they all come. The email hadn’t been out 5 minutes when I heard back from Alice (of Ted and Alice). Alice is the one that worships the ground that Jane walks on and tries so hard to emulate her. Alice’s response was that they would probably be there, but they both have colds so she’ll have to see how they feel. This is Alice’s standard response whenever I invite her to anything. What’s reality is that she has to wait to find out what Jane is doing before she truly makes up her mind. She always has to leave herself an out. Oh well, at least I made the attempt.

Then yesterday I heard from Jane. When I sent the invitation out I sent it BCC specifically so Jane couldn’t see who I invited (tweak, tweak)! Jane’s response was that yeah, they would probably be there (see a parallel here?) and she told me what she would probably bring. Her next question was, “Who did you invite? You did invite Donnie, Bernie & Beth, didn’t you? And can my kids come?” Her kids are 24 and married with a child, and 26. Yeah, I guess they can come if they don’t have anything more fun to do than hang around with “old fogies.” And as for Donnie, Bernie and Beth, they are Jane’s paparazzi. Yes, they are nice folks, but they are JANE’s friends, not Ole’s and mine. But you see, that’s Jane’s way of ensuring that she has a circle around her that adores her, because nobody else in this group does. As I said, they’re nice people on their own, but when they get together with Jane I can’t stand any of them.

The audacity (neener) of being invited to something and then wanting your friends invited too. But this is very typical of Jane – she’s done this to me many times. I think I’ll just not respond to that email.

Later – Guys

Happy Friday!!

Love Lena

An Open Letter to Jane

Dear Jane,

No, I shouldn’t start this letter “Dear” because you most certainly are not dear to me. At one point in time we were good friends, but long ago you lost that status in my eyes, and became merely an acquaintance. You wouldn’t even hold that position if it wasn’t for your husband who is a very kind, caring and loving individual; he is everything you are not. Unbeknownst to you, he has managed to smooth over some very rough spots for me in the past several years regarding our relationship – years when you’ve been “at your best” for lack of better sarcasm.

I truly thought that I had gotten over my anger toward you for all the things that you have done to and said about my family and me. Something happened yesterday that brought up old memories and all the hatred came to the surface again. The only consolation is that it doesn’t surface as frequently as it used to. Anger is such a wasted emotion and takes so much energy. I really need to channel that energy and emotion somewhere else – I certainly don’t need to waste it on you. Ole always tells me not to let someone else control how I feel – because if that enemy knew how he had affected my life he would be dancing in the streets. So, dance, Jane, dance. Because I truly do hate you for the things you have done and said.

Your husband, Dick, stopped over here last Thursday afternoon, sat on the deck in the sunshine and had a beer with Ole. Dick seemed so down – not the usual, smiley person that he always seems to be, although his positive attitude is truly a miracle considering he lives with you. By Sunday night Ole and I heard why Dick has been so down lately.

You’ve been caught, Bitch, with your pants down in more ways than one.

Dick had planned a canoe trip to the Boundary Waters (WAY northern Minnesota) with some buddies for the weekend, but cancelled the trip because the ice isn’t even off the lakes up there yet. You had apparently made some plans of your own that didn’t include Dick, and when you found out that Dick had cancelled the trip you flew into a rage. That alone should have told Dick something, but I think he loves you so much he’s choosing not to see all the signs.

Just why he loves you I can’t figure out. You’re about 50 pounds overweight, you dress like a slob, you have a bitchy personality, control issues up the wahzoo – the only thing I can think of is you must be really good in bed. One out of five isn’t bad, I guess.

Your plan was to go for a ride on your new Harley – ALONE – or so you said. Being Dick was going to be home he decided to go along, which you promptly negated. It was a horribly windy day – not a good day for riding at all – and under normal circumstances I don’t think you would have ridden but you had “something” in your back pocket you needed to complete. You think you’re so sneaky, but everybody can see through you – you’re about as transparent as a pane of glass. Your reasoning for not allowing Dick to ride with you was pretty transparent also – you wanted to go visit your grandmother’s grave and you might cry and you didn’t want Dick to see that. What a bunch of shit.

So Dick took off with a friend and went fishing. What a coincidence that your “friend” would call AFTER Dick leaves and want to go riding with you – in that terrible wind. How convenient. But like I said, you got caught. There was a bike accident, your “friend” went down, was injured and smashed his bike.

Jane – something’s really rotten in Denmark. You wouldn’t allow your husband to go with you to supposedly visit your grandmother’s grave, but it was okay for your “friend” to go along? A number of folks also find it interesting that you openly meet this “friend” on a regular basis at one of the local bars after work. It was also noted that the last time this “friend” was at the Watering Hole on burger night that you were making cow eyes at him, and kept him 100% engaged in conversation so that he couldn’t talk to anyone else. It’s also been noted that you have certain males that you “cling” to on karaoke nights and get quite upset when those certain males speak to other females. You want ALL of his attention. It was also quite interesting to watch you on the picnic table out back of the Watering Hole one night during karaoke. The gal who first spotted all that activity was horrified at the show you were putting on.

Dick stopped to visit with Bob and Carol on Sunday night following your road trip with your “friend.” Dick doesn’t confide in Ole and I anymore because I don’t think he wants to add fuel to the fire regarding my feelings toward you. But he does confide in Bob and Carol because he doesn’t know/realize they can’t stand you either. Judging from Dick’s actions of late, and his depressed mood, and little comments that he makes, I truly feel that Dick is very suspicious of your actions. I think he’s finally seeing the light.

You’ve burned a lot of bridges over the past several years, many that won’t ever be rebuilt. You told me back when we first became acquainted that you didn’t care what other people thought of you. I must say you are a woman of your word – you really don’t care. You are truly a disgusting person. Happy Hunting, Bitch.

Humping to the Music

Sniff, sniff, tears roll down cheeks, more sniffing, blows nose in Kleenex, more tears, wipes eyes, wash, rinse, repeat.

We’re not going on our trip to the Smokey Mountain National Park. We’re not going to Georgia to visit our long time friends that we haven’t seen in 20 years. We’re just not going. I’m so disappointed. I’ve looked forward to a trip to this location for over a year and now we’re not going.

We’re supposed to be retired!! Doesn’t that mean you plan your own destiny and do what you want when you want? I got news for all of you – that doesn’t happen. There have been too many things happen this spring that have gotten in the way of taking this trip. I won’t even go into all of them, but they have been important enough that we had to stay home and take care of them. The latest, and the one that made us throw up our hands and just give up, is a surprise birthday party. Very long time Buddy Don, who worked with Ole for 28 years, is turning 60 this year and his wife is planning a surprise birthday party for him. Don and Ole are just like brothers, so we just couldn’t miss this party. After all, you only turn 60 once, and Ole needs to plan a good roast. So that’s scheduled for the middle of May, and yes, we could go after that for several weeks, but we’ve already got commitments scheduled for the beginning of June. We just can’t win. Maybe it’s like I always tell my daughter – everything happens for a reason, and there’s a reason that we aren’t supposed to go on this trip.

We had decided the price of diesel fuel wasn’t going to be the deciding factor as to whether we travel or not, but honestly, every time I thought about filling that tank with $4.09 diesel, I almost wanted to throw up.

Okay, now that I’m done feeling sorry for myself and expecting all of you to also – on to another subject.

This sounds really gossipy, but just wait till you hear this!!

Last Friday night was karaoke down at the Watering Hole, and of course Jane was holding court with all her paparazzi, as usual. Ole and Carol and I sat at a different table not being included nor wanting to be included in her group. Then Pat & George and Lou & Burl showed up and joined us. The evening went on and everyone was having fun when a local man by the name of Kerry showed up. He’s a single man in his late 40s or early 50s, a very handsome outdoorsy man. And it’s quite apparent that he has the “hots” for Lee, one of Jane’s friends. It was also quite obvious that Jane had the “hots” for Kerry. She hung on his every word all evening and followed him around like a puppy making google eyes.

The time came for Pat & Lou to go out back to have a cigarette, and as they were about to open the back door they got a real eyeful. Pat came rushing back inside to get me telling me that if I really wanted to see something I better come now. I rushed to the back door, peaked through the screen and there lay Jane on her back on the picnic table with Kerry on top of her with a crowd standing around cheering. They were fully clothed, but (for lack of a better word) humping in rhythm to the music. They put on quite a show for the three minutes that the song ran. And Dick was back inside, visiting with someone else without a clue as to what his wife was doing out back. Icky, icky, icky.

Am I too old school? Too old fashioned? Too out of touch? What happened to self-respect? Is there no such thing anymore?

The Morning After the Night Before

Half price burger night last night and we had quite a group for our little “club.” The table was full (9 people). Dick was there by himself because Jane, of course, was running the city offices until 7:30. I was anxiously awaiting her arrival to see how she would react regarding MY friends and YOUR friends. Ole made sure he sat next to Bob and I made sure I sat next to Carol (tweak, tweak). When she walked in she took one look at the table full of people, stopped at the popcorn machine and motioned Dick to come over to her. She told him she wasn’t hungry, she was going home, and turned around and left. So that was that. I didn’t even get a chance to harrass her even a wee little bit – dang.

Dick hung around for a while and was having fun, but kept looking at his watch as though he didn’t dare stay too long. I’m sure if he had he would have hell to pay when he got home.

Let’s see, what’s on the agenda for today. Lots of paperwork. That always takes so much time and when you’re done you can’t physically see that you’ve accomplished anything other than the checkbook is always a lot emptier. Then more paperwork – I’m the treasurer of an organization and we’re having our quarterly meeting tomorrow morning. So I need to have all my ducks in a row for that. I need to make sure they can’t tell that I’m embezzling large volumes of money (snicker). Then I have to design some fliers to advertise a luncheon that our group is putting on in May and I haven’t even started them yet.

Well, Ole wakes up one morning and remembers that it is Lena's birthday. Now Ole and Lena have been married for over fifty years so Ole goes shopping and tries to find a gift for her. He can not think of a single thing she needs.

Upon passing a lingerie store, Ole realizes that Lena has never bought any lingerie in her life. He gets the idea to buy Lena something sexy to make her feel good and young. Ole goes into the store and tells the clerk to wrap up the most expensive, sheerest negligee she has. Ole takes the gift and excitedly returns home to Lena knowing that he has been a fine husband.

Ole finds Lena in the kitchen and tells her to take the gift upstairs and unwrap it. He'll wait in the kitchen. Lena thanks him and goes up to the bedroom. Once the package is opened she realizes that this is something she's never had before. She also sees that it is so sheer it leaves nothing to the imagination.

She thinks for a moment and then decides that she'll really surprise Ole and go downstairs without any clothes on at all. So she leaves the negligee on the bed and starts down the stairs stark naked.

Lena calls out, "Ole, come out to the hallway and look." Ole walks out to the staircase, looks up at his wife, and exclaims, "I'm sorry Lena, all that money and they didn't even iron it!"

They're MY friends - not YOURS!!

Are we twelve or what? Is this grade school, or shouldn’t we be adults by now? Oh man, this Jane thing gets to be just like a soap opera, only I think sometimes she’s not really old enough to even watch soap operas. At least she acts that way.

Here’s the background:

Back when we first met Dick and Jane through a mutual friend, they traveled in a circle which included Bob & Carol and Ted & Alice. Alice is the gal who worships the ground that Jane walks on because Alice is so insecure. She tries to model herself after Jane and Lord knows that’s a real fiasco. Now it’s not that Ted and Alice aren’t nice people – they are – and it isn’t that Alice has been nasty like Jane has, but she does make some pretty snide and uncalled for comments at times that are quite hurtful. Fortunately, neither Ole nor I have been her targets like we have been Jane’s.

Then there’s Bob and Carol. We have become good friends with them – I think because they’re a lot like Ole and I. What you see is what you get. No facades. Yes, they speak their minds and make their points, but not in a nasty, caustic, mean manner. They are both very diplomatic when issues arise. They wouldn’t dream of hurting someone’s feelings on purpose and are always willing to give someone a second shot.

So way back when, Dick & Jane introduced us to Bob & Carol and Ted & Alice. I guess at that time we didn’t know that we would only be allowed to have one set of friends – that’s sarcasm, people – sarcasm! As I stated previously, over the winter Ole & I have become good friends with Bob & Carol and on occasion go out to dinner together to somewhere other than The Watering Hole or stop at their house for a drink when we’re out running the doggers. Last Friday night we decided to go to a little hole-in-the-wall place in a small town about 10 miles from here called Cully's. It’s been around forever, has no atmosphere, but really great food.

Well, apparently Jane found out that the four of us had gone out to dinner together on Friday night, and on Saturday night at a banquet to honor a local person, made quite a fuss about the fact that we had done this. Carol called me this morning to tell me about the tantrum that took place. To quote Jane, “I’m the one that introduced you to Ole and Lena and they’re MY friends. And now MY friends don’t even stop at our house anymore but they sure stop at your house a lot (meaning Bob & Carol’s). They’re MY friends and you’re taking them away!” And the tirade went on from there from what Carol said.

But that wasn’t enough. Sunday morning there was a pancake feed fund raiser and Dick & Jane happened to be there with their daughter and son-in-law at the same time that Bob & Carol were there. We didn’t go because Ole was involved in a car show this weekend. Jane’s comment on Sunday morning when she saw Bob & Carol was, “Well, did you get together with MY friends last night after the banquet?” By this time Bob had apparently had about enough of this nonsense and tried to explain to Jane that it isn’t YOUR friends or MY friends. No one owns anyone. We’re ALL friends together. Obviously Jane doesn’t have a clue that she’s no longer my friend but only an acquaintance.

Ole thinks she’s laying groundwork for something – posturing for some reason. It will be fun to watch as things proceed. I would imagine that we’ll be seeing her tonight at half price burger night. Bubba (remember him from previous writings?) thinks we should all get t-shirts that say The Monday Night Burger Club printed across the front.

Last Friday night was karaoke night at the Watering Hole. That’s the night we went to dinner with Bob & Carol. Carol loves to sing but we didn’t stop because she had to be to work at 7 a.m. the next morning. Lovely Daughter and Sven were there and she reported that Jane wasn’t her usually loud-mouth self that night – she was pretty quiet. I guess she was taking in the antics of Lee & Tim. Lee is a friend of Jane’s and Tim is her supposed fiancé. They are not young teenagers, if you know what I mean. They’re both old enough to “know better” and how to behave in public. I guess they got into quite a spat at the Watering Hole and she left him. Drove home without him. He becomes extremely obnoxious when he’s had a few beers. Actually, obnoxious isn’t even close to what he becomes. Anyway, I wasn’t there on Friday night so I only know what I was told. But I completely forgot to tell you about Tim & Lee on the night of Jane’s birthday party a couple of weeks ago.

Bob & Carol and Ole and I left early that night because things were getting so out of control. I think we were home by 9 o’clock. I heard the next day that Tim picked up Lee and was going to stuff her into one of the big trash cans full of garbage that Dick had sitting around. And of course she didn’t want to be dumped head first into that – I wouldn’t either. But Tim was totally inebriated so pursued the issue. It became a hair-pulling match along with a major struggle until Lee hit him in the nuts with her knee!! She thought that was the end of it when he was rolling on the floor groaning. But that was not to be – when he finally managed to get back up on his feet he picked her up again and tried once more to stuff her in the trash can full of messy paper plates and other stuff. I guess that time there were chunks of hair that got pulled out of both of their heads and she finally “nutted” him again, left him rolling on the floor, got into her car and headed for home.

I guess we miss all the excitement when we leave early!! We would have hung around but Tim is SO loud and SO obnoxious and Jane was becoming that same way what with it being her birthday party – so before I puked Ole decided it was time to take me home. And I had been drinking club soda all night!! So there - - -

Puke, Gag, Wretch, Puke

Sheesh - you guys - as of yesterday I was all caught up on reading blogs. This morning I opened up Google Reader and there was a long, long list again - so I've been sitting here reading and reading and reading and commenting. Either you guys lead a lot more interesting lives than I do, or you're writing fools. Maybe a bit of both?

So - exitement in my life? Not a lot. There was karaoke down at the Watering Hole last night so we stopped down about 8 o'clock just to visit a bit, not intending to stay for more than an hour or so. Yah, right - we came waltzing in the door at 11 o'clock. Pat and George were there having dinner so we sat with them and visited. They're such a fun couple. Bob and Carol weren't there because Carol had to work until 9:00.

But of course Jane was there holding court. Her entire entourage was there swarming around her so she was in her glory. A bit later one of Jane's neighbors and his wife came in. Wife sat down with us and had her dinner, but Husband Neighbor sat at Jane's table. I've been very suspicious of something going on there for quite some time, so last night I just kept close watch out of the corner of my eye. Never said boo to anyone about my suspicions, but later in the evening Pat asked me of there was hanky panky going on between Jane and Neighbor Husband. I don't know if it's reached the hanky panky stage yet, but it's extremely obvious that Jane has the hots for Neighbor Husband. VERY obvious. She can't keep her hands off him, but at this point he still acts as if it's all a big joke. Wife didn't stay any longer than it took to eat her dinner and then got up and left using the excuse that she was tired and just wanted to go home. And whenever Neighbor Husband would make an attempt to visit with anyone else, Jane would elbow her way into the conversation and take it over. That happened to me a couple of times last night.

Then Neighbor Husband got up to sing the Macarena and guess who was the ONLY one out on the dance floor - standing in the middle facing Neighbor Husband making moon eyes at him and dancing the Macarena? Yup - you got it - Jane, wiggling her big fat butt. I swear she wasn't wearing a bra last night because the way her 40DDs wagged around they could have done damage to someone's head if they'd gotten too close.

Anybody want to hang their head over the porcelain god with me while I puke???

Winter

As I stumbled out to the kitchen this morning, still in a fog from having just awakened, and trying hard not to fall on my face as Senior Citizen Simon curled himself between my ankles begging to be fed, I glanced out my living room window to the east and saw the most beautiful sunrise all orange and crimson shining brightly between the frosted tree branches. As the sun rose into a crisp, cloudless blue sky it made the snow sparkle like diamonds all bright and shiny. And I thought to myself, oh, what a beautiful day this is going to be.

Then I looked at the thermometer and it said 22 degrees below zero. My next thought was:

This is the 7th of March - we're supposed to have snow melting now - not freezing even harder.

We stayed home this winter because we traveled last fall, and our intention was to travel again this spring headed for the Great Smokey Mountains. That's why we're enduring this winter that won't end. Oh well, just remind me of these cold temperatures when I'm complaining about 100 degrees and 90% humidity in July, will you?

Apparently general concensus is that you guys don't want to stop hearing about Jane - you're all curious about whether or not she can make a bigger fool of herself, huh? Well, okay. But I'm NOT going to let her upset me anymore. I'll just report. Okay? Latest report: Dick and Jane sat in the front pew at church on Wednesday night. Ole and I were seated strategically so we could see them, but they couldn't see us (sneaky, huh?) Jane spent most of the half hour service with her head on Dick's shoulder and stroking in arm from elbow to shoulder. Get a room, huh? Or at least sit in the back pew so nobody else has to watch. How about just conducting yourself with a little dignity and self-respect!

And, to quote Forrest Gump, that's all I have to say about that.

Actually I don't have anything to say about anything else either - - -

A Verbal Desert

Well, that's not exactly true - I don't say "nothing" regularly because Ole says I talk ALL the time!! Be that as it may, I'm just kind of out of words for the time being. How can that be, you say? A ScandihOOvian female who has nothing to gossip about?



Well, I've kinda decided not to write about Jane and all her antics anymore. You're probably sick of hearing about her anyway, right? I mean, the fact that she spent a good portion of her time groping Dick's crotch the night we all went to dinner together at Bennigans - the night before they left for their Vegas trip has nothing to do with me. So if she wants to prove to everyone around that she's a pig, let her. Yeah, going to dinner with someone who would do that in public leaves a bit to be desired, and we probably won't be doing that anymore. It just proves she has no respect for herself, let alone poor Dick.



I've kinda reached a point where I don't feel sorry for Dick anymore either. Don't get me wrong, I still think he's a wonderful person - he's so kind and a true friend. But to put up with the kind of behavior that she exhibits makes we wonder about him too. It's the opinion of several in our group that either he puts up with it because she would make his life so miserable if he clamped down on her behavior or he secretly likes having a wife that is so "risque!"



Two years ago in Sturgis she walked around with her boobs hanging out - completely - just pulled her t-shirt down and let her size 40DD all hang out. She's named them Mikey and Stevie. Wonder if she tried to get away with that in Vegas?



And, oh yes, more XXX porn pictures came in Ole's email this morning. She's definitely back. A female who gets a thrill out of looking at other female's bare crotches exposing ALL of the inner-most parts has got to be really sick. Bob's been getting the pictures on a daily basis from her also. I wonder what she's trying to do.



In conversation on Monday night with Bob's daughter-in-law, who was also down at the Watering Hole for half price burgers I learned more about how disliked Jane is in the community. DIL's grandparents go to our church and used to sit about third or fourth row back from the front. You know how it is in these little country churches; everyone seems to have their own pew, sits there every Sunday, and by golly, if a stranger comes to church and sits in YOUR pew and you have to sit somewhere else, it's traumatic. Anyway, grandparents ended up moving completely to the other side of the church because they couldn't stand to watch Jane fondle the back of Dick's head and his ears and rub his back during church. I guess all actions have their place, but possibly not in church, and especially in the front pew where Dick and Jane always sit.



Anyway, not having had her around for a week has been very peaceful. And I've decided that I'm not going to let her upset me anymore. She's only proving to the world what an ass she truly is.



I've been bouncing around reading various blogs this morning and it seems the general concensus of us "Northerners" is that winter needs to be over now. We've had enough. Winter doesn't usually get me down, but boy this year I've developed a bad case of cabin fever. Our "normal" winter, if there is such a thing, usually has a cold snap in January where temps get way below zero and stay there for a week or 10 days or even two weeks. Then they go back up to a range somewhere between zero and the high 20s for the remainder of the winter. But this year that hasn't happened - they've been bouncing around from WAY below zero for a few days then up and down for a few days at a time. This makes it seem that it's been subzero for most of the winter. We're supposed to have 20 below again tonight and then in the 20s and 30s for the weekend. Enough already. STOP. It's March - the snow is supposed to start to melt. Get started. Enough bitching about that too, okay?



I have one more room to spring houseclean - the computer room, and that's going to be a job and a half. I don't know if your computer room is like mine, but there's so much important stuff stashed in here - you know - all those things you absolutely have to hang onto that have no value whatsoever. So I've decided I'm going to get really cruel and tough and pitch a lot of stuff. Of course you know what will happen then, don't you? That's when I'll find that I really need it. Maybe I'll just stuff it all in a box and pack it into the storeroom we have in the basement.



When I finish in the computer room I get to start tearing wallpaper off the walls in the master bedroom. Ugh - what a terrible job. But Ole and Lovely Daughter have all committed to helping me so maybe it won't be too terrible. We could make a party out of it and bring out a bit of Ole's homemade wine. And some cheese and crackers. Maybe we wouldn't get too much ripping done, but it would be a lot more fun, don't you think?



Anyway, I'm kind of out of subjects to write about anymore. So I'm open to suggestions from any of you. Okay? What do you like to hear about?

On Being a Penny Pincher

Anybody out there interested in saving a few hundred dollars a year on their phone bill? Well, have I got a deal for you!! (Can’t you just see me standing up on my soapbox outside a tent at the carnival yelling my sales pitch at the top of my lungs?) So come on in and see what I’ve got!!

A few weeks ago when I was having one of my sleepless nights I flipped the TV on about 3 a.m. and came across one of those “Paid Programming” things – those ads that seem to go on and on during the night that 99% of the stations carry even on Dish Network. One of them caught my attention and I stopped to watch it for a minute. It was for something called Magic Jack. Now what could this be – some new kind of Jack Daniels? A new variety of Jack in the Pulpit to plant in my garden come spring? A new Jack in the box toy? After a minute I determined that it was a little box, about the size of a cigarette lighter that plugs into any USB port on your computer. Plug your phone cord into the other end and you can make all the long distance and local phone calls you want for free. Well, not exactly for free; Magic Jack costs $40, which includes a year of service. The fee after that first year is $20 a YEAR – not a month – a YEAR!! I did the math – quickly – and since my LOCAL phone service costs me $32 a month (that’s no long distance) I thought this would be a no brainer.

But being the cautious person that I am I decided to talk to my personal computer guru, Big Brother, about it first. Before I got a chance to call him about it the next day the phone rang and it was Big Brother. And guess how he was calling me? On a Magic Jack. He had also seen the ad (sleepless nights must be genetic or something), decided to try it and had just received it that day. It worked beautifully.

Well, that sealed it. I went online and ordered mine that same day. It arrived in the mail yesterday and was a cinch to install. I called him last night just to test it out and – Ta Dah – worked great.

So when we travel this will be a real boon as long as I have high speed internet service or an air card in my laptop. If you’re interested, go check it out at http://www.magicjack.com/site/index-22a2.html.

Isn’t technology amazing?

Now just as a teaser - Dick & Jane and Ted & Alice must have arrived home from Las Vegas last night. Ole checked his email about 10:30 p.m. and there was an email from Jane - XXX- rated!! Also, I need to tell you about dinner at Bennigans the night before they left. I neglected to fill you in on a few items when I wrote about it previously. Stay tuned for further details!!

The Soap Opera, the second chapter

I think I mentioned previously that we were having a gathering for the Super Bowl game. We didn’t have a BIG gathering (12), but the folks who were there were lots of fun. And of course there was more food than you care to think about plus Ole grilled burgers and brauts outside. I think everyone went home quite well fed. I used my Norwegian enabling personality trying to convince folks to eat more, but I still had lots of leftovers. I think we’ll be eating chili for a week!!

I didn’t watch much of the game as I spent most of my time gabbing with the other gals. I’m not a football fan anyway so it really didn’t matter. The only ones in attendance from “The Circle” were Bob and Carol. Dick and Jane had another commitment, and Ted and Alice aren’t football fans plus had family issues they had to deal with. I’m reasonably sure even if Dick and Jane hadn’t had other commitments they wouldn’t have come judging by the way Jane’s been acting around me. But then why does that surprise me? I’m currently in her Invisible Group. She pretends I’m not there and looks right through me. But that’s okay – she can play her childish games. I’ve tossed her the ball several times since our little too-doo over the fire department so the ball’s in her court now. If she doesn’t want to throw it back it’s her problem. And I tossed that ball out strictly for Dick’s sake – because I was/am afraid that she’s going to put so much pressure on him not to associate with us anymore. When Dick and I had our little conversation he assured me that wouldn’t happen – but we’ll have to see. Dick always visits with us after church on Sundays and yesterday he looked several times over at the table we were sitting at but that was as far as it went. I will feel very badly if we lose his friendship.

There was karaoke at the Watering Hole last Friday night. It’s amazing how much fun our group can have when Jane’s caustic personality isn’t hanging over everyone. Dick and Jane were apparently home babysitting their granddaughter as their daughter (Jane II) and son-in-law (Mac) came in with some friends later in the evening. Jane II made no connection with any of us whatsoever – not even so much as hello. But Mac always comes over and says hello and visits a bit. Mac isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I must give him credit for being very personable. So Ole invited Mac and Jane II out to our Super Bowl party on Sunday.

I truly didn’t expect either one of them to show up, but late in the evening, shortly after almost everyone else had left Mac came driving up alone. We invited him in for a burger and some chili and he happily snarfed them up. In addition to that he proceeded to spill his guts to both Ole and me. As I said previously, he’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer and has made some bad decisions in the past and I’m sure will make more in the future. I think he’s a young man who grew up without any guidance within a very dysfunctional family. So of course Dick and Jane don’t like him. Jane has always been extremely vocal about that fact, and Dick is becoming more so as time goes on. The kids have been married about a year and a half now, but shortly after they were married Jane spouted the proclamation that she was going to do everything she could to break them up. She wanted/wants her daughter and granddaughter living at home with her so that she can make sure that the little one is getting “proper care.”

Well, judging from what Mac told us last night I think Jane is well on her way to success. Jane is very open about the fact that she doesn’t like Mac – right to his face. He told me last night – and this is a verbatim quote – “My mother-in-law thinks I’m a slug. She doesn’t like me and she doesn’t want me around her or around Jane II and Baby.” He refuses to stay at Dick and Jane’s for the weekends when Jane II comes home. He stays in town with his own mother.

Ole and I really got an information overload last night. Mac was here for almost four hours. It was like he needed someone to talk to and we happened to be in front of him. I truly felt sorry for him. He said the last time he and Jane had a conversation/argument he couldn’t stay to finish it because he had to get to work. I have no idea HOW he left the house, whether it was in anger or whatever, slamming doors, I don’t know. But he said that Jane called him TWO DAYS later to finish the conversation and prefaced it by screaming into the phone “How dare you walk out on me when we’re having a conversation like that.” And he said that wasn’t the first time something like that had happened.

He also told us that Jane II is getting more like Jane all the time. After she gets off the phone with her mother she starts yelling and screaming at him on subjects that seem to come out of the blue. Gee, I wonder where she’s getting her ammunition.

He would like to move his little family away from here – far away to help cut the apron strings but Jane II refuses to live anywhere but close to her mother. Anybody see where this is going?

And the conversation went on – until Mac was “empty.” Seemed like he needed to clean out his insides. Ole and I just sat there and listened. Believe me there was lots I would have liked to say, but I’m not going to stoop to Jane’s level. Besides I truly think that anything I would have had to tell him he probably already knew.
Tonight is half-price burger night at the Watering Hole – I wonder if Jane will even show up or has she lost her guts? So the soap opera goes on.

Bitchology

I got this from Jane today. Do you think she's trying to make a point? Otherwise it's quite a coincidence!!


BITCHOLOGY
When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch. When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a bitch. Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me. When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak a gainst it, I am defined as a bitch. The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish. It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.
I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that! So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed. And if that makes me a bitch , so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I know SHE didn't write it, she's not that talented.

We're headed for the Watering Hole in a few minutes. I hope Dick and Jane are there because I've decided on a new direction in my life - tormenting Jane. Or do you think that would be stooping to her level? I won't do any tormenting until I hear from all of you in Blogosphere!!

Love you all,

Lena

The Cliff Hanger

As I told you previously, Dick stopped by my house on Friday morning. He was here about an hour and we covered a lot of ground.

I prefaced the entire conversation stating that I wasn’t doing this expecting him to choose sides. After all, Jane is his wife. I just wanted him to know where I’m coming from in this whole Jane issue, and why.

I told him this entire issue with Jane goes back a ways and has been building for quite some time. I have reached a point where I can barely tolerate being in her presence. It started about a year and a half ago when Sven left Lovely Daughter down in Sturgis. Just left her – no money, no transportation, nothing. He had been acting like a total ass to her for many weeks prior to that event, and was worse at Sturgis than he had been at home. Ole and I had finally had enough of his childish actions and discussed what to do about it several times. We decided that because Sven seemed to be more able to confide in me I would speak to him. So one evening I took him aside and asked him if he really loved my daughter and then he exploded, packed up and left. And that’s all I said to him. Sorry – I digress – that’s not the story here.

Anyway – I explained to Dick how Jane had stuck her nose into that event very deeply about my relationship with Lovely Daughter. She made many negative accusations and read me the riot act more than once about those issues. She was busy talking to Lovely Daughter throughout that entire week, and told me that she had several conversations with Sven also under the guise of “trying to fix things.” In reality it’s my opinion that all she did was stir things up worse than what they were in the first place. Lovely Daughter didn’t speak to me for several months after that, but she spoke to Jane frequently from what Jane told me during that time. The ironic thing is that I wasn’t doing ANY of the things that Jane accused me of during that time but I was too mortified by everything to stand up for myself. NOW, guess who is the one that’s very deeply involved in HER daughter’s life, and has actually made the statement more than once that she’s trying to break them up. She wants her daughter and granddaughter living at home with her so she can “see that her granddaughter is well taken care of.” Her statement – not mine.

Anyway, as I said before, Lovely Daughter wouldn’t speak to me for several months following that episode. But when she finally did that’s when Jane started bashing her on a regular basis, trying to ruin her reputation. Looking back I feel that Jane thought she had lost control of Lovely Daughter so she was going to bad mouth her. I told Dick that I didn’t know what Lovely Daughter had ever done to Jane to cause her to do that. It’s always been my thought that you were supposed to support your friends and stand up for them. Apparently Jane doesn’t feel that way.

I told Dick that I felt Jane was a very caustic person and sighted examples where I had witnessed her make Alice come to tears in a public place by making nasty statements about her right to her face. Alice is very overweight and has a very poor sense of self-esteem and Jane plays strongly on these issues at times depending on her frame of mind. Again, aren’t you supposed to be supportive of your friends instead of running them down?

I said that I felt Jane opens her mouth and let’s whatever she’s thinking at that time come falling out with a total lack of concern for anybody else’s feelings. I informed him that Jane had once told me that she didn’t CARE if nobody liked her because of what she said. Dick did come to her defense at that time stating that one of the things he’s always liked about her was that she said what was on her mind – you never had to second guess her because you always knew where she was coming from. In response I told him that I felt you could make your point but could be diplomatic about whatever the issue is/was. You don’t have to run roughshod over everyone with total disregard for his or her feelings, and he agreed.

I stated that I felt Jane has some very deep-seated control issues, and when someone stands up to her and tells HER like it is she doesn’t know how to handle it and responds by overreacting to the situation. She needs to be the center of attention at all times and will go to almost any length to do so. For instance, when I developed all the arm issues I had a year ago. Believe me, I didn’t WANT them, and I didn’t speak about them unless someone asked me about them. According to Jane I was psychosomatic, just trying to draw attention to myself and expressed her opinion to many people. After Sven left Lovely Daughter, the doc treated her for depression. When Jane found that out she told everyone and followed that by stating that anyone who took those kinds of meds was just trying to draw attention to themselves and make people feel sorry for them. I happen to know that Dick, at one point, was treated for depression, and that currently their son is taking anti-depressants. Can you imagine trying to live with someone like Jane with that kind of philosophy? Jane is probably the reason they were/are treated for depression.

Then I went into her unethical behavior. For instance giving copies of the questions that were going to be asked of the prospective new city councilman to Alice so that she would be well prepared and could make a better impression than the other person that was running. How she gossips about the confidences that people tell her – for instance all the affairs that a mutual friend has had, and how Jane named names of the women who participated. How she talks viciously about all her supposed friends behind their backs. I spoke about her childish behavior the night she came to one of our bonfires, sat in a chair and wouldn’t talk to anybody because she was pouting about something. I talked about how she exploded at Bob in front of everybody the night of the city council meeting because she thought he had been having a burger with us over at the Watering Hole. What business is it of hers anyway if we choose to have supper together? And the list goes on.

I also told Dick that people are scared of her because she is so caustic. I told him that I’ve had several people tell me not to get on her bad side because she will ruin you. I made him understand that she’s got quite a reputation in the community and it’s not a good one. People that Dick works with have also expressed negative opinions about her.

Anyway – you get the idea. Dick interjected a comment on occasion, stating that he understood where I was coming from. I told him that I felt like I had been backed into a corner and at this point I had to come out swinging in self-defense. She can attack me personally all she wants and I can take care of myself. But DON’T start in on my family because I won’t tolerate that. If you remember, the last issue she started to rag on was Ole and the fire department. She could have made that point in a much nicer manner, but that didn’t happen.

Dick didn’t have a lot to say, but he did tell me that I’m not the first person to come to him with these issues. A number of people have approached him about Jane’s behavior in the past. He said that at times he thinks she’s going psycho, losing her mind, and then again she’ll go for periods of time when she behaves just fine. He said he’s lived with this all his life and has tried to handle it; successfully at times and at times it backfires big time on him. He did elaborate on some things that I won’t go into here, but you get the idea. He knows what the situation is, but he didn’t realize how badly I had been her target to this point. He indicated that his door was always open for conversation and not to let this issue build up to my exploding point anymore. And then he gave me a big hug. By this time I was in tears, and Dick shed a few too. He’s such a kind, kind person.

I reinforced the fact that I wasn’t stating these things to make him choose sides. Also, I didn’t expect him to change anything – that would be an impossibility. I only wanted him to know where I was coming from so if there are explosions in the future, he’ll know why.

I said I would do my best to keep myself under control when I’m around her, but I made no guarantees. The only thing I WON’T do is stoop to her level and have it out with her in a public place. It will be done in a more private setting. Yes, I can go to Dick every time I have an issue – but isn’t that like dealing with an alcoholic? People rarely confront THEM about their behavior – they always go to the spouse and complain as though the spouse can do something about it. Everyone tip toes around the alcoholic and his behavior because they’re scare of his reaction. So he just keeps doing the same thing regardless of how many folks he hurts. Do you see a parallel here?

I expressed to Dick that my biggest concern was that if I stand up to Jane when she’s in one of her snits she will not allow Dick to associate with us anymore. That would break my heart. He assured me that that won’t happen. Apparently she’s tried to break up his friendship with several other people previously, so he’s aware of that situation. Then he gave me another hug before he left and assured me that the three of us would be friends regardless of Jane.

I felt so much better after all that.

Oh yeah – I didn’t tell this to Dick because I felt he’d been hit hard enough between the eyes that day – but her table manners are atrocious. Ole pointed out to me last Monday night after burgers at the Watering Hole – she takes a BIG bite of burger and then proceeds to talk with food in her mouth. It really gets your gag reflex going. We went out to dinner with Bob and Carol last Friday night (wouldn’t Jane have a hissy if she found that out), and Bob pointed out the eating/chewing issue too. He said that’s why he always makes an effort to sit as far away from Jane as possible. Not only doesn’t he want to listen to her voice, he doesn’t want to listen to her EAT!!

There you have it folks – was it the cliffhanger you anticipated?

It's raining texture on my head

Business first: Does anyone know how to contact Golf Widow? She was kind enough to send me a message about my post The Latest on Beau. She discovered someone named Daniel had copied my post word for word (see it here: http://daniel67smith.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!E94FCB7E142C2D25!146.entry) and I wanted to write and thank her. But after searching through her web site I can find no link that allows me to contact her directly.



Not that there's anything really important in my entry, but sheesh, the guy must not have a life of his own at all if he's got to copy entries like that in order to have something to post. I read through a number of his entries and they ALL look like they've been copied from somewhere else. What a nut case!!



THE CEILINGS ARE DONE!! I think I wrote previously that three rooms in my house (all on the south side) had ceiling damage from a hail and rainstorm that took place last September. The hail damaged the roof and it leaked and I had sheet rock hanging down in my dining room, cracks in the sheet rock in both the computer room and the guest room. The drywall guy started on Monday and finished yesterday - hallelujah! I thought it would take weeks - fortunately it didn't because I think it would have driven me nuts - or at least nuttier than I already am. It's not fun having half your house encased in plastic and all shoved into the corners of the rooms. AACCKK!



And I expected the repairs to cause an awful mess - you know - sheet rock dust flying all over. He had to scrape the texture off the ceilings and that flew all over, but the rest wasn't bad. He had a special vacuum that he used as he scraped and sanded that sucked everything up - it had three filters so it was pretty clean. I SO VIVIDLY remember a year ago when Ole did some repair work on the walls in one of our bathrooms - it involved taping and mudding and sanding and even though he used a vacuum at the same time - the vacuum didn't have all those filters and I had that damn sheet rock dust ALL OVER the house. What a mess.



The texturing needs to dry for a couple of days and then Ole can paint on Saturday. You notice I said OLE, not Lena!! I do a good job of supervising and playing "gopher." You know - go fer this and go fer that. We have a vaulted ceiling in the living room/dining room - 15 feet on the high side - and I don't do real well climbing ladders. The first step up and I could swear I'm on the top of Mount Everest right there in my own living room!



You wanna hear more on Jane? If you're tired of that subject, just skip this paragraph. Remember our big toodo where I finally stood up to her and told her that her flapping lips had caught up with her? Well, not exactly in those words, I was a bit nicer - but not much. Anyway, last Monday night - half price burger night at the Watering Hole - she came prancing in at 7:30. She had spent the last two hours imbibing at a bar in town on her way home from work. So she was a bit on the wasted side. Prior to her arrival everyone had been yakking and laughing and just having a generally good time. She waltzed in and the whole atmosphere changed. It was like there was a pink elephant in the middle of the room and no one wanted to address the issue. She happened to sit across the table from me - and never during the entire time I was there did she - could she look at me let alone say a word to me. She foamed at the mouth to everyone else so it was quite obvious she was either punishing me (yeah, right) or too embarrassed to look at me. Oh well, her loss, not mine!!



Nothing else of interest today - at least not yet as it's still pretty early. My life over the last few days has consisted of watching ceiling texture fall to the carpet. Not everyone can say THAT!!

Pictures of the Wicked Witch of the Nort'land

Several people have written wondering what Jane looks like. So here's a glimpse. See if my "word pictures" have done her justice!!

Kitchen Logic has been fortunate/unfortunate enough to see Jane in real time, although I didn't introduce them the night Kitchen Logic was visiting Ole and me at the Watering Hole. But KL is pretty astute at judging a book by its cover and formed some pretty accurate opinions.

So anyway - Heeeere's Jane - in all her glory doing what she does best - flapping her lips - opening her mouth and inserting something in it!!

At least it's something going in and not a bunch of bullshit coming out!!

Dick says, "MY WIFE IS PSYCHO! HELP!"

FYI: It’s 10:21 a.m. and the current temperature is 20.2 degrees BELOW zero!! That will put a little frost on your moustache!!

I know, I know – I need 20 lashes with a chunk of lutefisk – I haven’t updated for a whole week. I don’t know where the time goes. I’ve been a bit preoccupied with some things, dealing with a few stresses, etc. So get yourself a cup of coffee and get comfy because this is going to be a long entry. I’ve got lots to tell you.

First of all, thanks to all of you who have emailed me wondering about Beau. I think all of your good thoughts and doggie prayers have helped because he’s a lot more on the bright eyed and bushy tailed side now than he was a week ago. He’s back to having that old sparkle in his eye and back to teasing Daisy by stealing her babies (stuffed toys). He’s not out of the woods yet by a long shot but I truly feel we’re making some progress. He goes for another x-ray next Friday (23rd) to see if the fluid around his lungs has lessened, and then we’ll go from there. Once again, keep your fingers crossed and keep him in your Doggie Prayers.

Pets are so sensitive to what’s going on in their surrounding world. Daisy knows that Beau hasn’t been well. She’s been like a mother hen to him, constantly herding him and somehow seeing to his benefit. He’s been getting a lot of special attention of course, and although we all try to keep things equal and give her lots of extra attention too, I’m sure she senses what’s going on. Daisy is kind of a neurotic dog, and things stress her out very easily. She’s also always had a very sensitive tummy, but still has the tendency to gobble up her food and not always chew it the way she should. I think part of that comes from her unhappy puppyhood where she had to fight for every morsel that she got. Anyway, (this is going to be very descriptive so if YOU have a weak stomach you maybe should skip this paragraph, okay?) yesterday when Lars brought the doggers over for Doggy Day Care Daisy barely got 6 feet inside the door, stopped and proceeded to lose last night’s supper in my back hallway. None of it was digested; it was all like it had gone down initially. So I got that cleaned up and Ole and Lars and the doggers took off headed for the gym. The doggers have always waited patiently guarding their truck while Ole’s working out, and then they go to McDonald’s for cheeseburgers for lunch. He buys each dogger their own cheeseburger. Only this time when Lars and Ole got back to the truck after their workout Daisy had had a very runny accident inside the truck, all over the seat. This is just not like her, and she was absolutely mortified, but of course no one scolded her because she couldn’t help it. They did their errands in town and on the way home let the doggers out to run on one of the country roads where she had several more “sittings” which were bloody. This is not good. So Ole called me and I called the vet who advised me to take her off of all food for 24 hours to rest her insides, and if she was still having trouble to bring her into the emergency animal clinic.

So here we have one dog – Beau – who’s supposed to eat as much as we can get him to eat, and another – Daisy – who loves to eat but isn’t supposed to for 24 hours. So we decided to separate them for the night. Daisy went home with Lovely Daughter and Lars and we kept Beau here. We always keep food available for him, and I heard him get up several times during the night and go crunch some down. When I talked to Lovely Daughter this morning Daisy had made it through the night with no accidents – whew! I don’t know if the checkbook can handle another sick dog. So today we’ll start feeding her small amounts of softened food per advice from the vet, and see what happens.

Okay – so there’s an update on Dogger Land at the Ole and Lena Estate.

Now to Jane – I’m sure you’re all hanging on the edge of your chair for this one (snicker).

I’ll wait while you all go refill your coffee cups. * * * * * * * * * * * Okay. Glad you’re back.

Last Monday night (half price burger night at the Watering Hole) Jane was busy flapping her lips again with total disregard for anyone else. Ole and Bob and Dick had already left the Watering Hole to go to their fire department training meeting which started at 7:00 p.m. Jane didn’t come in until 7:30 p.m. because she’s supposed to keep the city office open until that time. So by the time she arrived there were only three or four of us sitting around the table. Ted and Alice had arrived late also, just after the guys had gone to their fire meeting. So Ted asked where the guys were and I answered, “To their fire training session.” And Jane pipes up with, “I don’t know how Ole EVER got accepted onto the fire department in the first place. He’s such a security risk to the rest of the crew with his hearing loss.” I asked her what she meant by that and she proceeded to expound on the fact that Ole would never hear the beeper that goes off when their buddy runs out of air in the tank that they carry into a fire. So Ole’s buddy would be on his own and wouldn’t get any help because Ole wouldn’t know the air tank was empty. So whoever is Ole’s buddy better know up front that they’re really on their own because Ole is such a safety hazard and shouldn’t be on the fire department at all.

I repeated a synopsis of this conversation to Ole when he got home that night and asked him about the beeper/horn that sounds on the air tanks. He said it’s SO LOUD you can hear it a quarter of a mile away, and no, he doesn’t have any trouble hearing it. He thought about it awhile and then said maybe he would consider resigning because he wouldn’t want to be a safety risk and cause someone else any harm. He really was kind of incensed by her comments, and so was I. And considering it was Dick who recruited Ole in the first place. Dick is assistant fire chief. Because most of the guys on the team are still working there’s a shortage of guys available during the day. They really needed some that would be around during the daytime hours to go on any runs that might come up. Ole fit that bill – he’s here during the day, very responsible about attending training sessions, etc. But apparently Jane doesn’t think that’s enough.

Jane has pushed me so far with her constant interference, annoying comments and opinions, manipulations and just being a general all around MEAN busybody that I just have no tolerance anymore for anything she says. So the more I thought about her little speech on Monday night, the angrier I got. Ole really enjoys the guys on the fire department, enjoys the training sessions, and he said it left him with a good feeling to do something for the community. So I really didn’t want to see him resign. But like he said, if something WOULD happen, you can imagine that Jane would be all over it, enlarging and enhancing the issue and doing whatever she could to make herself look in the know.

Are you still with me? I told you this was going to be long - - - -

So the next morning I emailed Jane and told her that because of her remarks the night before Ole was considering turning in his pager and resigning from the fire department. Her response was pretty much “Oh, well, that’s his decision. All I said was I didn’t understand how he got accepted in the first place.” I wrote back to her and told her that in addition to that she had expounded on the safety issues and that Ole shouldn’t be on the fire department.

She sent me one more quip back stating that she wasn’t going to do THIS over email. So I got really snotty (paybacks are a bitch, aren’t they?) and told her that she didn’t have to do it over email, that I’d gladly discuss it in person, because possibly her ability to blurt anything out without any regard for other people's feelings has caught up with her. That apparently infuriated her because I never heard another word.

That was Tuesday morning. Moving on to Tuesday night:

Tuesday night was the city council meeting where the new councilman was going to be sworn in. Prior to the council meeting Bob grabbed a burger at the Watering Hole because Carol was working. Bob called me later to fill me in on the happenings of the evening. When he walked into the City Office Jane was there, along with Dick, Mayor Charlie, Randy, the fire chief, the city treasurer, several of the councilmen and a number of people who were going to be attending the meeting. Bob is not only a city councilman, but is also a member of the board of directors for the fire department. Bob said Jane jumped all over him right in front of all these people about being over at the Watering Hole having supper with Ole and I and gossiping about her and calling her a bitch!! She accused Bob of taking sides against her, etc., etc., etc., You can just hear it, can’t you? Well, guess what – Bob hadn’t a CLUE what she was talking about, nor were Ole and I at the Watering Hole, nor had he listened to any gossip about her nor had anyone called her a bitch!! Bob said she just went on and on in front of all these people about how terrible I was – probably because I had actually stood up to her on something and called a spade a spade. She’s not used to anyone standing up to her because she’s run roughshod over everyone for so long that everyone is scared of her. I guess she ragged on Bob’s case until Mayor Charlie finally interrupted her to get the meeting going. Bob said that Dick just sat there like a whipped puppy. He suspected that Jane and Dick had words about the issue before they came down to the village meeting.

Bob still couldn’t figure out what it was all about so called me when he got home from the meeting and I filled him in on our email correspondence.

Moving on to Wednesday night:

Dick stopped over at Bob and Carol’s house to visit a bit, Carol suspected it was to apologize to Bob for Jane’s behavior the night before. I had just a short conversation with Carol last night and she told me that Dick was just beside himself when he stopped over. He said his wife has gone absolutely psycho and he doesn’t know what to do about it. She’s just off the wall and the only thing he feels he can do is stay out of her way and not get into any of her messes. What an awful life for that nice man.

Drama anyone? Jane can’t tolerate peace and quiet. If there’s not something going on she’ll get right in the middle and conjure up something.
And the beat goes on – and on – and on - - -

Jane Didn't Get Her Way!! Bwahahaha!

I haven't written anything fun for so long I'm beginning to wonder if I even have a sense of humor anymore. Being sick with the flu since after Christmas, all the issues with Beau, and of course Jane, have kind of sapped my energy. But I think I'm beginning to come out of the black hole I've been in. And I don't feel like I'm going to lose a lung anymore when I cough.

Let's see - to update everyone on the Jane front:

The interviews were held on Wednesday night and much to Jane's surprise both Vice Mayor Bob and Mayor Charlie refused to use the questions that Jane had put together and given to Alice so she could be well prepared. This apparently threw Alice for quite a loop and she didn't do very well on the interview. Bob told me she took forever to answer questions and talked in circles, so didn't impress either one of them. When Alice's interview was done she came over to the Watering Hole where everyone was waiting and made the statement that the interview was much more difficult than a job interview. I wasn't there at the time, but Lovely Daughter told me that Alice was really crabby and very nervous after her "ordeal."

Then came Bill's turn to interview. Bob told me later than Bill was cool as a cucumber, gave each question a bit of thought and answered them with great answers. In other words he was very successful.

Even though Jane was not supposed to be in on the interview process, she was to be there strictly on a secretarial basis taking notes, she managed to get a couple of her own questions in to both candidates. The first question she asked was whether or not either of the candidates would discuss City business in a public place? Bwahahaha! Bob and I had a good laugh over that one!! Jane is SOOOO guilty of that - she discusses EVERYTHING about the City in the Watering Hole - who's late on their water bills, how much in arrears they are, who's not up to date on their taxes, who's had their city services turned off because they haven't paid, etc. Maybe Jane should take a look in the mirror!! Isn't it funny that people who are guilty of such things just can't see themselves?

I've said this before: Jane has made some horrible accusations of me over the past year and a half - things that I am totally not guilty of - but SHE is!! Multiple times over!!

So anyway, looks like Bill will be the new man on the city council, but SHHHHH - don't tell anyone. It's to be announced at the council meeting next Tuesday. One more time that Jane didn't get her way. Both Vice Mayor Bob and Mayor Charlie changed her venue and she lost her footing.

One more thing about Jane: She's already planning Dick's 50th birthday party which will be the end of June. This is all good and well - because it's not a surprise birthday party. She's invited a huge group over to the Taj Magarage in their backyard for a big shindig. Bring your own meat to put on the grille, a dish to pass and whatever you want to drink. No problem. The surprise part of the whole thing, and her gift to Dick is that she's planning a Bachelor Party for him. At 9 o'clock a fun bus will pull up in front of their house and all the guys will pile on and be taken to a strip club for the remainder of the evening. One that has a pretty rotten reputation in the area because there's always a lot of problems there. But here's the kicker - at least in my opinion for whatever that's worth. Hiring the fun bus costs a chunk of money - a BIG chunk because you hire the bus for the entire evening. She wants all who attend the birthday party to contribute to the cost for the fun bus. A comment I heard from a friend almost immediately was, "I thought this was HER gift to Dick. Why should I help pay for her present to him?" I think this person has a good point. She stated in the invitation that the bachelor party was her gift to her hubby - it's almost like being charged to go to his birthday party.

Maybe I'm all wet, I don't know. Maybe I find her so disgusting that nothing she does sits well with me.

The latest on Beau: Dr. Green, our main vet has consulted with Dr. Dill, and they have decided to put off another ultra sound for the time being. Beau seems to be responding to the antibiotic, although extremely slowly, so they're going to wait two weeks and then evaluate again at that time. His breathing seems to be a bit better, and a couple of nights ago he rolled onto his back and wanted his tummy scratched. Dr. Green says that's a very good sign because normally, under these conditions, he would be too uncomfortable laying on his back. He's also started sleeping on his side instead of staying up right on his stomach. Another good sign. He doesn't do it all the time, but it's becoming more frequent. So we keep hoping for the best. That's all we can do right now.

JANE!!!!!

I have a confession to make:

I came home from the Watering Hole about two hours ago (it’s half price burger night) and I was so upset that I proceeded to imbibe – not in one drink, not in two, but in three drinks, (and there may be more to come) and it hasn’t settled my attitude yet. Fortunately I don’t drink very often, but when I do it’s not a mixed drink, it’s on the rocks – so after three I’m slightly – no - more than slightly in the bag and still angry, which is not a good combination.

Guess who is at the root of my anger tonight – JANE!! I haven’t written much about Jane lately, but tonight her ethics and morals really torqued me, so please bear with my ramblings. Maybe I have TOO MANY ethics and morals, as they caused me to leave a very good paying job about eight years ago. But this time the lack of ethics and morals on Jane’s part is really causing me to blow my stack because she’s treating a very good friend of mine very unfairly.

A bit of background:

Ole and I are good friends with another couple that I haven’t written about previously. We’ll call them Bill and Lila. This is the second marriage for both of them and I think they’ve finally found true love in each other. They are the sweetest people, so devoted to each other and so sincerely nice – to everyone. They take a very active interest in church and in the community and are a big plus in both respects.

Now I’m not sure why this issue is bothering me so much because Ole and I don’t live within the village limits, but Bill and Lila do, and have a vested interest in village politics. There’s some real interesting dirt going on in the village politics that needs to be straightened out. A seat on the village council has become available due to a council member moving away. So to fulfill the vacancy and the remainder of the term this will be an appointed position until the next election. Now Bill has decided that he would like to become involved in village politics and submitted his letter of intent to the City Clerk, who just happens to be JANE.

Jane doesn’t like Bill for personal reasons, so went about coercing Alice, her best friend, into submitting a letter of intent for the council position. Now I need to clarify this; Jane is Alice’s best friend according to Alice, but, according to Jane, Alice is not Jane’s best friend. Did you get that? Alice worships the ground Jane walks on and tries to emulate her (total jackass), but the only reason Jane has anything to do with Alice is because she can control her down to the inth degree. Did you get all that?

Now – the interview of the prospective council members will be on Wednesday night, and there are specific questions that the interviewees will be asked. Tonight, as we were sitting around the table eating our burgers it came out that Jane had given Alice a copy of the questions to be asked so that Alice can be completely prepared with elaborate and proper answers. This insures that Alice will become the new appointed council member and Jane can control Alice’s votes and get her to vote the way Jane wants.

Was Bill given a copy of the questions? Not on your life.

Is this an unfair advantage? You bet.

Ole and I currently don’t live within the village limits, but I grew up here and have what I consider a vested interest in the happenings. I would very much like to see Bill get the seat on the council because he could/would get these issues straightened out. Alice will not, because Jane doesn’t want them straightened out.

So maybe I have truly overstepped my bounds tonight but here’s what I did: When I got home I called Bill and informed him that he would be answering a series of questions at his interview, and that Alice already had a copy and would be fully prepared. Just wanted to give him a heads up.

THEN I called Bob (of Bob and Carol friends), as Bob is Vice Mayor and informed him that Jane had given Alice a copy of the questions. He was quite surprised and very interested. He said he would take it up with the Mayor as he felt this was quite unfair and unethical. He said he would see to it that something was done about it – whether it’s in reference to Jane and her unethical behavior or something else that remains to be seen.

I’m at a point now where I don’t care whether Jane finds out I’m the one that spilled the beans or not. I’m ready and waiting for her with both barrels. Just let me get a shot off. I have good aim and will hit her right between the eyes.

Stayed tuned for further episodes of the soap opera.

(Hope all these ramblings made sense – if not – it’s the fault of the alcohol. I’ve about had all I can take of Jane anymore.)

All About JANE!!

First of all let’s take care of some business:
Yankee Chick has awarded me with the Blogger Badge. She tells me, “The blogging badge was made by Mark at Me and My Drum to be given to bloggers who make their blog their own, stay with it, interact with their readers and have fun. Mark also said that these bloggers are showing time and time again that they are true to themselves and that they ARE their blog.”

Well, Folks, I am really honored. I’ve mentioned previously that I never thought of myself as a writer in any way, shape or form, and I just started this blogging thing to see if I could do it and to entertain myself. All I can say is What you see/read is what you get. There just aren’t any facades here. Anyway, manga tusen taka (many thousand thanks), and now it’s my turn to pass it on to some other true blue bloggers. I hereby nominate: Art, MNLady, Miss Hiss, KitchenLogic and Shearmadnez. Blog on, People. If you have been nominated before, then consider yourself twice as good, okay? (Just don’t let it go to your head.)

The Big Bonfire and Barbecue went quite well on Saturday night. Ole did burgers and brats on the grille and everyone brought a dish (or two or three). Anyway, there was far more food than we could eat, so we had to all go and let it digest by the fire.

Here’s a shot of the bonfire – now keep in mind those are railroad ties stacked eight high, formed into a square that was filled with brush and tree branches. Ole said it didn’t even take any Boy Scout water to get it going, and to begin with the flames reached about 30 feet high!! Needless to say it warmed the air for quite a space around the fire so nobody got cold even though the temps were down in the 20s. You did have to pretend you were on a rotisserie though and occasionally turn your body so you weren’t done more on one side than the other!!


Now, are you Folks all ready for more of Lena’s Gossip? I just HAVE to tell you about Jane!!! I’ve been kind of saving things up for the last couple of weeks (snicker).

I’ve mentioned The Circle a number of times previously, but just to refresh your memories, there’s Dick & Jane, Bob & Carol, and Ted & Alice. You ALL know who Jane (No. 1 Bitch) is, married to the sweetest man, Dick. Then there’s Bob & Carol who have been friends with Dick & Jane for years and happen to live across the alley from them. Bob & Carol don’t have much time for Jane either, but tolerate her because Dick is such a nice guy. Then there’s Ted & Alice. Ted is another sweetheart, and Alice has always been kind of a whiner. She considers Jane her BEST friend; unfortunately Jane doesn’t feel that way about Alice. I’ve seen Jane put Alice in tears down at the Watering Hole because of the things she says to Alice. Mean things, but for some reason Alice just takes it. Something has come over Alice over the last couple of months, and she’s starting to emulate Jane. I’m not the only one who’s noticed it – Bob & Carol have both commented on it. She’s become No. 2 Bitch.

Several weeks ago a large group of us were invited over to Dick & Jane’s for a potluck and bonfire. Everyone got there at the appointed time and Dick was outside to greet everyone and get the grille going. Jane was nowhere to be seen. Someone asked about her and Dick said she was still in the house. Well, okay – maybe she’s still making preparations or something, so Carol went in to see if she could help. Carol came right back out and told me there was no way she was staying in the house with THAT wild cat. I guess she did nothing but bitch and be sarcastic to Carol. The rest of us women got things ready and THEN Jane made her entrance. She dished up her plate, sat down to eat and promptly left and went back inside the house. Carol was outside helping Dick clean up the grille and he confided in her that he and Jane had had a knock-down-drag-out fight prior to everyone’s arrival. He didn’t say what it was about, which was none of our business, but can you imagine? Maybe Jane had decided at the last minute that she didn’t want to have everyone over and this was her way of punishing all of us. Guess what – it didn’t work. We all had a great time despite her, and so did Dick with a little help from Captain Morgan!! And I certainly don’t blame him.

Then a couple of weeks ago Ole and I decided we’d have our annual Big Bonfire the Saturday after Thanksgiving and I sent out email invitations. We also announced it when we were all down at the Watering Hole having burgers one night. Dick made the statement that he hadn’t gotten all of his brush and branches burned at his bonfire so could he bring them out to ours. They live in town so have to keep their fires on a rather modest level. Of course Ole said that would be fine. That’s when Jane, who was sitting at the end of the table that night, stated in a very loud voice, “WE - - WILL - - NOT - - BE - - THERE!!” looking directly at Dick. It was quite apparent that this subject had been discussed previously as she was quite animated about it. And the look that Dick returned to her could have killed. So as far as I was concerned, they weren’t coming. I saw her a couple of times during the week and she was very cold and distant. I sure don’t know what I did to offend her, but then, like Ole said, she’s just angry at the whole world and you happened to be in her line of sight.

So Saturday afternoon came and Ole and I were outside getting things ready, and setting up tables, chairs and the grille out at his shop. I happened to come in the house about 5:15 when the phone rang. Caller ID said it was Jane and I debated picking it up, but thought better of it and decided to see what she had to say. After all, I could always just hang up on her. I answered and she was as nice as pie – was it too late to RSVP (I had invited everyone for 6 p.m.)? Was it okay if they came? Could Dick bring his brush to burn? Was there anything I needed help with? I’m looking over both my shoulders during this conversation to see if there’s someone else she’s talking to, because it surely couldn’t be ME, could it? I told her it of course it was fine – just bring themselves and an appetite and Dick’s brush. They showed up about 15 minutes later – a half hour before anyone else did. I just kept myself busy and told her to fix herself a drink and go sit by the fire. At least this time Jane didn’t take it upon herself to invite her groupies like she usually does. Maybe she didn’t have time. Ted and Alice didn’t show at all, but then Alice told me when the initial invitation went out 10 days prior to the bonfire that she wouldn’t be there because she had a cold (think about that for a minute, okay?) Of course Alice can’t go anywhere that Jane doesn’t go, and I suppose Jane didn’t have time to let Alice know that she’d changed her mind and was actually going to come out. Ted and Alice were in church on Sunday morning and neither Ole nor I noticed Alice coughing or blowing her nose!!

We really need some new friends. Bob & Carol are stable and rock solid – great people and fun to be with. There are also several other couples that join The Circle on occasion, but I think keep their distance because of Jane and now Alice.

Oh, well, we shall see what happens. One of these days both Jane and Alice are going to lip off to the wrong person – and it just MIGHT be ME!!

ADDENDUM BELOW:

+++++++++++++++++++++++

I totally completely forgot about this when I was writing this morning. I HAVE to clue you in on this too - I truly think Jane is a sicko individual - here's another of her latest antics:

I clicked the receive button on my email a couple of mornings ago and there was a very large email file that came in from Jane. I opened it - and it was a power point show of 23 pictures of HARD PORN!! All the bits and pieces and tools were taken in closeup mode in action. She sent it to Ole too. The next time I saw Bob I asked him if he and Carol had been blessed with being on her mailing list. Bob told me that she goes through this every few years and the last time she got on this kick he asked her to take his name off her mailing list. Wonder of Dick knows she does this kind of thing?

Jane Can Talk & Chew at the Same Time

It’s a busy, busy weekend for the Ole and Lena household.

It’s that time of year when all the little churches in the vicinity are having their annual fund raising suppers – and you know how good those can be. So last night we headed off down the road six miles to the next little town that was putting on an all-you-can-eat fish supper. Growing potatoes is one of the major crops in our area, so the farmers in this little church have an arrangement with some folks at a little church way up north in Canada (north of Winnipeg where they can’t grow potatoes) where they exchange a train car load of potatoes for freshly caught walleye. They bring that walleye home, fillet it out, batter it and fry it up. There is nothing better than fresh cold-water fish. Fresh seafood can’t even beat that.

Along with the fish they served baked potatoes, corn, delicious cole slaw, homemade dill pickles, and wonderful garlic toast from homemade bread. Ole ate until I thought he was going to pop like a tick. Then he leaned back in his chair, patted his round tummy and said he thought he was full. Ya’ think?

We were with the rest of The Circle, so also seated at our table were Dick and Jane, Ted and Alice, and Carol. Bob didn’t come because he’s been home with pneumonia for the last week. He was upset because he’s really a fish lover. Mae, our Turkish friend was there also. She’s such a hoot.

I was fortunate enough (that’s being facetious) to sit across from Jane last night. Jane has been pretty mellow lately and hasn’t been acting up much. But then I haven’t been around her much either, so - - - Anyway, last night was enough to suffice for a while. Last night her table manners really got to me. She not only talks with her mouth full of food, but chews with her mouth open. And then, when asking someone to pass something to her instead of being polite and saying something like, “Would you please pass the corn?” She bellars out “corn” or “butter” or “fish!” You get the idea – no please or thank you of any kind. Carol was sitting next to me and every once in awhile would poke me with her elbow and giggle. Jane thinks she’s SO COOL, and she’s so NOT!!

We finally all rolled out of the church supper about 8:30 and landed back in our town next door to The Watering Hole – where there was karaoke. Carol and I sang a few numbers, had a good time and then headed home. We were both tired – her from working all week, and me – well – I don’t need an excuse, do I.

I managed to sleep in this morning until 9:30 when I got poked with two cold, wet dog noses trying to say, “Good morning, get out of bed because we’re here now.” When I opened my eyes there were all kinds of slurps and wild whipping of large, hairy tails against the wall letting me know how happy they were to know I was still alive. So out to the kitchen to get some dog treats we went.

Our church supper is tonight and I’m not going to be there – darn. Our big fundraiser is a meatball supper and they’re the best darn meatballs I’ve ever eaten. We have a wedding to go to instead – but I’m sure that will be fun too.

Well, the Weatherman screwed up again – and I’m so glad. Last night he told us we would wake up to snow flurries this morning – but instead there’s lots of sunshine out there. We have finally had a couple of light frosts, but not a hard freeze yet. Records indicate that this is the longest growing season our area has ever had. Yea for Global Warming!!!!